Tseng's Baby Girl
by Kiwasaki-chan3
Summary: Tseng finds a little girl on front porch. Being Tseng, he really doesn't care. So like what would happen if she's attached to him and yet he dislikes her
1. Chapter 1

Alright people, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. I do own the special child. If I did own it I swear Tseng would have more scenes and the child would have been with him the whole time. Not only that but Sephiroth and Zak would be alive and totally not evil. Read & Review and stuffy.

Be warned though, it's OOC. Just easier for a comedy to be OOC.

Chapter 1: Mommy and Daddy

The Commander of the Turks, which recently got back to being an organization, was finally walking to his big expensive mansion in Edge. He was taken out of the office by the ex-president of Shinra, Rufus Shinra at 7:30 that night. While he hated the fact that he wasn't in the office doing work, work, and more work, he was glad that he didn't have to be in there. Being around a certain redhead pretty much ruined his whole day.

As he walked up the walkway, he saw something sitting on his front steps. He blinked a couple times. Not even the dogs would come that close to his home. Everyone in the whole neighborhood knew not to mess with him. He was the commander of the Turks. That meant his smiling façade could leave and he would tear their necks out.

He walked closer. It looked like a small child. That still didn't explain much. He didn't have any relatives. None of his "friends" had children. Why the heck was that child there? He continued to walk. He had to figure that question out.

_Maybe it's not a child. Maybe it's a doll from those girl scout things. Rude said they leave anything on doorsteps._ He thought.

The child in question jumped up. It made the commander a little more confused than before. He reached out his hand to touch the child. Instead of a face or something, he felt a mass of silky hair. That was something very unexpected. He expected the child to be a little taller. He was beginning to think that this was some kind of prank or something.

"Hi!" came the booming voice of the small child.

"Um…hello," he said uneasily.

He opened the door to his house, the lights automatically turned on. He looked back to see that it was a little girl. He shook his head. It could not be possible. A little girl sitting on his steps. He looked closer to see a note pinned to her shirt or dress or whatever.

_Dear Turk Commander, this is my daughter, Kiwasaki. Please take care of her since I'm on vacation Costa del Sol and won't ever come back. She's two years old. She eats like crazy and will drink whatever. Be a little careful with her since she's so small. Well see ya'. PS. Her hair is naturally that color. Her eyes also are that color naturally. Ps. Ps. Never allow her to just cry seriously, you'll regret everything._

He looked at the girl strangely. This Kiwasaki was going to be his responsibility? Nope that was not going to happen. He was going to dump her off somewhere so he could get some rest. He knew all too well that children were evil. He's been dealing with Reno for almost forever.

"Mommy?" Kiwasaki called.

"Am not. You're mother is in Costa del Sol. She'll be back. My name is Tseng," he answered.

"MOMMY!!!!!" she cried.

Kiwasaki clutched onto Tseng's leg since she was barely tall enough to reach his knees. Tseng tried to shake her off. She had a strong grip he'd give her that. However, he had to get her off him. So he grabbed her by her waist to get her off.

He picked her up. He walked casually into his living room. He placed the sobbing girl on the couch. He smiled gently seeing her calm down. He went into the kitchen to fetch a cup of coffee. He grabbed some cold green tea for the young child in his living room. Of course he had to at least be nice until he could dump her off somewhere with someone.

Kiwasaki eagerly took it as he handed it to her on his return. As she drunk the tea, she felt it sliding down her shirt. She looked down, the cup tipping as she did so. She let out a little giggle. Soon half of said tea was all on the expensive ivy colored couch.

Tseng instantly grabbed the cup out of her hand. He looked between the mess, girl, and bathroom deciding what to do. He ran into the bathroom to get a clean towel to clean the mess. When he returned he saw that the mess was even bigger. He mentally cursed himself for leaving the cup on the coffee table.

"What did you do?" he screamed.

"I play. Drinky wikes couch, Mommy," she smiled innocently.

"How does the drink…I am not your mother!!"

"Mommy wells a wot."

"Why are you here?"

"I wove Mommy. Mommy funny."

Kiwasaki hugged the fuming Turk. She didn't understand too much about why he was angry. She thought that it was just him trying to be funny. She smiled even more as she felt him tighten his grip on her little shoulders.

"You are an impossible girl. I swear! You're worse than Reno!!" Tseng screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Mommy trute when mommy wells," She giggled even more.

"I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER!!!"

"Me no know mother. Me know Mommy. Mommy is mommy."

"Why me? Why did I get picked out of the hundreds of men on this Gaia forsaken planet?"

The phone began to ring. Rather than answer it like a normal person would, Tseng sent his "daughter" to get it. He had a guess that it was bill collectors or some people that pester others. Maybe if they heard the voice of a child they would leave him alone. He was after all said to have no one else living there.

"Yeah. Well is your mother there, Kiwasaki?" Tseng heard the other voice.

_Is she dumb enough to hit the speaker option? I should forget it. After all she doesn't even know how to hold a normal cup. _He sighed within his thoughts.

"Mommy here. I'll get Mommy, Wister Kwife," Kiwasaki said.

"No. It's Mr. Strife. Just call me Cloud."

"Ok, Stoud. Mommy, twelvapone!"

"I am not…wait you can't say telephone?" Tseng's mouth dropped.

"Tseng? Is this on speaker or something?"

"Yes."

"Mommy, I drinky!"

"When did you get a kid?"

"I don't have a child. She was on the steps. What is it child?!!"

"I drinky!"

"Speak English or Wutain, girl!"

"She wants something to drink. She must be about 1 ½ or 2."

Tseng growled gently. Leave it to Cloud to understand a child. He walked into the kitchen once again. He looked around for anything that could be used as a top for the girl. After what happened to his couch, he wasn't taking any chances.

Kiwasaki sat on the couch playing with her hair. She liked the awkward blue color that it had. Then again she was a little dense. She didn't even know it was her hair.

She continued playing with her hair as she heard talking in the room. She understood that it was from the telephone. She didn't know what he was talking about. She just knew he was still talking about something to her "mommy."

Tseng returned to the living room. He could hear the ramblings of Cloud about his day. Sometimes he wondered if the guy really was a guy. Ever since the return of Zak and Sephiroth, it seemed he was turning into a girl. Tifa and Aerith didn't talk half as much. This little brat didn't talk half as much.

He gave her the cup of apple juice. He was glad that he saved the tops of fast food restaurant cups. There was no way he was going to have juice stains anywhere else. If he did then someone was going to die. It wasn't going to be the brat because she was still a child, a small one at that.

"You're still meeting us at the bar right?" Cloud asked.

"Us? Bar? What?" Tseng asked.

"Yeah. You told Rude that you were meeting Zak, Reno, Cid, and I at the bar."

"I did?"

_That explains why Rude was in the office. Doesn't explain why I forgot. I must still be pretty pissed off._

"But we'll just come to your place. You do have a child."

The phone clicked on the other side. Cloud had just hung up. That meant he was calling everyone that was supposed to be at the bar. Tseng hung his head low looking at Kiwasaki with a scowl. He didn't want to be bothered with all those people in his house. He didn't even want Kiwasaki there. Right now, he barely wanted to be there himself.

Kiwasaki drunk her juice through the orange straw. She heard that more people were coming by. That meant more of her "mommy's" friends were going to be there. She had to be on her best behavior. If she didn't then he would be mad.

"Stay here, Kiwasaki. I'm going to take a shower. If you take the top off that juice, I will kick your little ass," he said.

She nodded her head gently. She knew not to do anything wrong. She watched Tseng leave the room going up the stairs. She was already bored.

_Mommy no give toys. I know. I taw piture for Mommy. Mommy happy piture. Mommy no be mad no more. Mommy tiend happy piture too._

She jumped off the couch. She walked over to the big desk in the left corner. There was paper on it. She jumped in the big chair only to find it spin. She started to spin in it for about fifteen minutes. She looked up the stairs to check if her mother was coming down. He wasn't coming yet. She grabbed the black pen and started drawing. The papers she was drawing on was the report Tseng had just filled out to give to Rufus. She didn't understand nothing on that was written so she continued to draw.

The doorbell started ringing. Kiwasaki got out the chair. Instead of answering the door or even going to it, she started drawing on the ivory white walls. It was more of scribbles than it was of anything. At least the pictures on paper was of two smiling people in a grassy meadow.

Tseng walked down the stairs. He was wearing a pair of navy blue sweatpants. The doorbell was ringing furiously. He held his head slightly as the impending headache started to come in. He walked over to the door only to see the scribbles on the wall. He was so ready to scream out loud about who knew what.

He opened the door to see the people he dreaded. They were Cloud Strife, Reno, Rude, Zak Fair, Cid Highwind, Vincent Valentine, and Sephiroth. How the latter two got involved, he didn't want to know.

"Hi there, Tseng ol' buddy ol' pal," Reno said.

"I am not your buddy or pal," Tseng said blankly.

The redhead walked into the house as if it were his own. He whistled at the look of the inside of the place. He had never been inside of it and barely got a look on the outside. He was going to have fun tonight.

"Hello, Tseng," Zak smiled.

"Hi to you as well, Zachary,"

The others said their hellos and walked into the room. No one noticed the young girl sitting at the desk once again. Cloud brought out two bottles of Scotch. He looked at Zak who took out two bottles of Jack Daniels. Reno brought out some Vodka. Rude had different types of juices and sodas. Cherries were provided by Cid. Tseng got some glasses from his cupboard.

After a couple of hours, it was clear to see that Reno was already drunk. Cloud had a slight buzz. Cid was starting to become like Reno. Rude and Tseng were enjoying the juices that were brought. Sephiroth, Zak, and Vincent were the only ones not affected by the alcohol.

"So where's the little bundle of joy, Tseng?" Reno slurred.

"Bundle of…? I don't know where the brat went…How do you?" Tseng looked at him.

"A certain blond Chocobo named Cloudy-kun said it," Zak smiled.

The young bundle of joy, namely Kiwasaki, walked over to her supposed mommy. She gave a small smile at the group of men on the couch. For the last couple of hours she had been drawing some more on Tseng's important papers.

"Drinky! I drinky," Kiwasaki said.

"I still don't understand you," Tseng grumbled.

"I think she said she has to go potty…ya know pissy," Cid laughed.

Tseng shot a glare at the drunken pilot. He grabbed the little girl into his arms, staring at her. He didn't understand what she was talking about, then again he could always ask Cloud. He looked over at the blond in question. He was dozing off. Too bad he didn't have anything Chocobo related to make him stay up.

"Choco-choco!!" Kiwasaki pointed excitedly at Cloud.

"Chocobo? Where's the Chocobo?" Cloud woke up.

"Choco-choco! Teko hair man is Choco-choco!"

Cloud looked at Cid. He pointed at him. When he saw her head shake no with the giggle he looked around the room. Rude was bald, Reno had red hair, Tseng had black hair as did Vincent, and Sephiroth's was that pretty silver color. So that could only mean one person.

"You think I'm a Chocobo?"

"Choco-choco!!"

Vincent smiled at her. She wasn't exactly as a brat. She was still pretty much a little kid. So he was ok with her. Just until she got older and started talking about cute guys and so on.

"Ampy!" Kiwasaki squealed at Vincent.

"You mean vampire?" Vincent asked.

"Uh huh."

Vincent held his arms out for her. Tseng happily gave her to him. He bounced the girl on his knee. He had never seen any child smile and giggle that much. Not after all the stuff that had happened to him. The events with DeepGround really did change his approach to life it seemed.

"So Tseng, where'd you find her?" Sephiroth asked.

"On my porch. She was just sitting there with this stupid note. I hate her parents," Tseng said.

"Mommy, I drinky!!" Kiwasaki whined despite the attention from Vincent.

Tseng shoved his cup of cranberry juice to her. He hadn't put anything to spike up his drink so it was safe for her. Well maybe it was. He didn't remember if Reno put something in that juice or the one he had before it. Oh well.

"So how did the two of you come?" Tseng asked Sephiroth and Vincent.

"Zak blackmailed me into coming," Sephiroth almost whispered.

"I had nothing better to do. Besides after hearing that the great general Sephiroth was being blackmailed, I had to come. Cloud is one to gossip about everything. So I thought maybe he knew something about me," Vincent shrugged.

"Man you suck, yo!" Reno said in a fit of giggles.

"Suck. I was gonna' say somethin' totally different," Cid laughed as well.

As Sephiroth and Vincent went chasing the two drunks around the room, Kiwasaki was passed into Zak's arms. He was playing with her. She was pretty cute for a little girl. Then again children were always pretty cute. And this one was giving Tseng a headache. He was going to become best friends with her.

"Rude, pass me the Gin," Tseng said.

"There is none. Reno drunk that in the first hour, boss," Rude said.

"Reno?" Kiwasaki asked.

"Yeah, Reno. He's that guy over there…precious," Zak pointed.

Reno was still running around the living room. If Tseng hadn't moved almost everything around the week before, it would probably be as messed up as it was before. He stopped when Zak said his name.

He walked over to the two allowing Cid to continue to be chased by Vincent and Sephiroth. He grabbed the hand of the small girl with a smile.

"What's your name, cutie-pie?" Reno asked.

"Tilataki," Kiwasaki said.

"What?"

"She said Kiwasaki," Cloud yawned.

"You understand her?" Zak looked at his best friend.

Cloud nodded his head slowly. The blond quickly fell asleep after that. Zak shook his head. He knew that Cloud couldn't hold any type of alcoholic drink. He should have guessed that it was going to be pretty funny to watch him fall asleep again.

Kiwasaki eyed Reno and those around her very carefully. A small, yet dangerous, smile came onto her lips. Soon it became a toothy grin where even her very sharp canine teeth started to show.

"Daddy!!!" She squealed loudly.

Tseng choked on his drink. He looked over to who she said was her father. His jaw dropped. He couldn't believe who it was.

A/N: Yupp I stopped it there. Sorry but you gotta' review first to get the next part. Of course you guys have the choice of who gets to be li'l Kiwasaki's father. I like it better that way then the way it turned out in my dream.

To clear up about some of the things she said, I have this section to tell you

Amy: Vampire

Drinky: Thirsty/Drink

Tilataki: Kiwasaki

Choco-choco: Chocobo

Wike: Like

Well: Yell

Wov: Love

Picture: Picture

Taw: Draw

Stoud: Cloud

Wister: Mister

Kwife: Strife

Twelvapone: Telephone

Tiend: Friend

Well see ya guys next time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: **Virgin?

Tseng stared wide-mouthed at the person the girl was looking at. Said man was staring as well. The others in the room stopped whatever they were doing to stare at them as well.  
Zak soon began bouncing Kiwasaki on his knee as he soon began to burst out laughing. Though he normally wouldn't do that to his friend, the circumstances just had him in a good mood. He thought Tseng being a mother was bad. That person being a father was even worse.  
Reno shook her hand more as he saw her "daddy" choice. He was glad that it wasn't him chosen to watch after a brat like that. He could already see the headaches that were beginning to grow on Tseng as he turned slightly to look at him. Yeah that scowl he was giving was surely going to become a pain in the butt.  
Cid, still being intoxicated, only looked at the situation like it was a movie scene. He couldn't really comprehend why everything had stopped. Maybe it had something to do with that little girl sitting on Zak's lap. Who knows? It was just something he didn't want to figure out.  
Rude choked suddenly on his cranberry juice. He looked at his boss from the top of his glasses. He made a chuckle only to stop himself from completely laughing. That little girl surely was going to be interesting to watch grow. He could only imagine how screwed up it all was going to be.  
Cloud was completely awoken by the dead silence. He nudged Zak to explain what happened. All his best friend did was point to Tseng and the man in question. He looked between the two, finally understanding what was happening, and began to laugh uncontrollably. If only he had foreseen that in tonight's plan of events.  
Vincent placed his hand over his eyes and shook his head. How could one even possibly think of that man as a father? He had heard worse. Hojo was a father. There was a keyword in the sentence. That word happens to be was.  
_I actually feel sorry for Tseng._ They all thought simultaneously.  
Kiwasaki giggled on her place on Zak's knee. Being bounced was something she wasn't used to, so she found it fun. As she looked back at her father, she could only think of how pretty he was.  
Sephiroth looked between Tseng and Kiwasaki. He was her father…no he was her daddy. Could it possibly get any worse? With blackmail from Zak and a supposed family, he really didn't think so.  
_No there is nothing worse than this moment, right here and now. I could be sitting at home in the dark. But no Zak just had to find that blasted picture from that party all those years ago. He told me he burned it! Now I'm stuck with some little girl from a child and Tseng as my…my…my wife. He's my freakin wife!!!_ Sephiroth basically screamed in his head.  
Tseng, still in complete shock and scowling, grabbed the giggling Kiwasaki from Zak. He placed her on his left knee. His face showed enragement. He was pissed all right. If there was ever one thing to be pissed off about, it was this. Sephiroth was supposed to be his significant other in raising a child. How, pray tell, does one handle that?  
He looked at the child in question a little harder. She was probably older than the way she acted. She was probably out to make him so miserable that he would try to put himself out of misery. He wasn't going to let her do that. He was the Turk Commander. The self-proclaimed Best Turk in the whole freaking world. Some child with half a brain couldn't make him do something completely stupid like that.  
"Mommy no wike Daddy?" Kiwasaki asked.  
"It's not that I hate Sephiroth, it's more like I…wait," Tseng tilted his head a bit to the side. "What are you talking about?"  
"You wook wike you no wike daddy. So I wasked if you wike daddy."  
"Uh…Cloud, translate."  
"She said that you look like you didn't like Sephiroth so she asked if you liked him," Cloud said, trying to hide his laughter.  
"No offense, Kawasaki…" Sephiroth started.  
"It's Kiwasaki, General," Cloud intervened.  
"Anyway, I am not your father. There is nothing that makes me even a candidate to be him. For one I do not know your mother. Two, Tseng couldn't be your mother. Even if he was, it would be impossible for you to be here. Three I haven't thought of three yet."  
"Three…you're a virgin still, yo!" Reno smiled.  
Sephiroth found a useless looking vase on a table beside him. He took the golden opportunity to throw it at him. Though it missed, it served it's purpose. Well at least he thought it did.  
"The Great 1st Class Soldier General Sephiroth is a virgin?" Cid, Rude, and Zak said.  
"NO!!!" Sephiroth defended a bit too quickly.  
"I think someone's lying," Zak smirked.  
"Shut up!!!!"  
"Mommy what 'surgeon'?" Kiwasaki asked.  
"Surgeon is a guy who performs surgery," Tseng answered obviously immune to being called mommy.  
"Oh. So why daddy red and welling?"  
Tseng's face went red from embarrassment. Never in his life had he had to tell someone what a virgin was. Nor did he have to tell a child about things that were well beyond their years. Someone should have told him that his life was going to be screwed up when he became an adult.  
He looked over at Sephiroth. There was no way he was going to get that guy to explain to her about a virgin. He shook his head.  
"I'll tell you when you're older," He smiled.  
Kiwasaki did nothing but nod her head. She continued to allow Zak to bounce her on his knee. It was pretty comforting to her. She didn't remember anyone doing that before now, so she was happy.  
Sephiroth, in the meanwhile, stared at Reno, Zak, and Cid. The glare on his face was not as intimidating as he would have liked it. His face was red from his complete utter embarrassment.  
"I never would have guessed that from you, Sephiroth. You got like a million fan girls and yet you're still like that," Vincent said.  
The anger from the former general boiled higher. He was seeing red from anger and embarrassment. He couldn't take it any longer. He wanted them to shut up.  
Cloud heard the song suddenly pop on. "One Winged Angel" was going through the room. He knew someone was in trouble. He quickly grabbed Kiwasaki from Zak out of fear. It wasn't fear of his own life, it was the fear of Zak's life along with several others in the room.  
Tseng grabbed his gun and hid behind a chair. He knew all too well what Sephiroth was like when he was pissed off. It wasn't like the guy was all that mentally stable anyway, but it was just worse now. If he even attempted to harm Kiwasaki or himself, he would just shoot him. He had enough tranquilizers to take out Reno on a sugar high.  
"Yo, big guy, I didn't mean it," Reno pleaded.  
"…" Came from Sephiroth.  
"What's going on, Cloud? What's with the music?" Zak asked his best friend.  
"Seph is pissed. You, Cid, Reno, and Vincent are going to get it. And the song is his way of saying it," Cloud ran into the kitchen followed by Rude.  
Zak felt his heart come to his throat. He looked at Reno, who was pleading to Sephiroth to spare his life. Then he looked at Cid who was still cracking jokes about the self-proclaimed One Winged Angel. Then his eyes shifted to Vincent who was calmly looking at Sephiroth as if nothing was going to happen.  
Tseng saw that nothing was going to happen to himself so he followed Cloud and Rude to the kitchen. He didn't want the company to begin with, so it was their fight. He was laughing on the inside about the whole situation. On the outside he looked as stern as always as he sat down.  
"Mommy?" Kiwasaki tilted her head.  
"Yes, Kiwasaki," Tseng tried not to laugh.  
"I no get why daddy mad."  
"You will when you're older."  
Kiwasaki said nothing else. She jumped down and went over to the cookie jar. Cloud stopped her before she got a cookie in her hands. She pouted but decided not to throw a tantrum. She sat in one of the chairs humming to her self.  
"I see you've gotten used to being called 'mommy', Tseng," Cloud smirked.  
"No. I just ignore it. I imagine her saying Tseng or Commander. More of the latter than the former," Tseng answered.  
Rude sipped some more of his cranberry juice while listening to the conversation. He didn't feel like getting into it. The girl was nothing special. She was just some orphan that got stuck with Tseng. The only thing special about her was the fact that Tseng hadn't thrown her out yet.  
"So are you Sephiroth going to stay together to raise her?" Cloud asked.  
That question caused Rude to spit out his juice. Tseng gave Cloud a glare that could rival only Sephiroth's. That made the blonde wince just a little. The only one not affected by the words was that dunce little girl humming to herself.  
"Sorry. I will not mention that again."  
With that last sentence Sephiroth walked in. He held a face of self satisfaction. Vincent followed with a face that was very similar. The two looked at the inhabitants of the room. There was something in the air that said "fishy."  
Sephiroth walked over to his "daughter." He looked her up and down. She was being almost normal. How could he take care of her? He never had the experience to be a normal child. So he might just screw her up instead of making her happy.  
"Hi daddy," Kiwasaki waved.  
"Hello," Sephiroth sneered.  
"Don't be mean, Sephiroth. She's your daughter now. Just as Tseng is your wife or whatever," Vincent's smirk got wider.  
Sephiroth turned back to Vincent. If only he had brought his Masamune. He would make sure he never dared to smirk at him again. He was Sephiroth, the Greatest and Oldest son of Jenova.  
_Stupid Valentine. He thinks this is a joke. I can't be stuck with Sephiroth. Do they realize my reputation? I don't think so_. Tseng sighed.  
Kiwasaki grabbed her father's hand. She giggled lightly. She really loved her daddy even if she just met him. She walked (more like dragged) him over to Tseng. She had it in her head of the perfect family. She had her mother and her father with her. So now she was the luckiest child ever.  
"Mommy and Daddy," She smiled.  
"I'm not your…" Sephiroth started to speak.  
"Just shut it. We're stuck like this until I'm able to throw off to the nearest old couple," Tseng said through his gritted teeth.  
Cloud took a picture of the happy family. He was lucky that his cell phone had a silent shutter. He was going to use that as blackmail one day. He was going to have so much fun talking about them.  
He and Rude said their farewells. Vincent waved then followed after them. In the living room, Reno, Cid, and Zak were on the couch in a strange position. Cloud took a picture of that as well as he went to grab Zak. Rude picked up Reno and walked out the door. Vincent just left holding back so much laughter. Cid left behind Zak and Cloud who were already arguing about the whole situation.

Back in the kitchen, Sephiroth and Tseng were trying to find a way to leave her. She had their hands in a tight grip. There was something very wrong with her. Super strength along with being annoying, she had to be one of Hojo's last projects.  
"Kiwasaki, it's bedtime. Let me go!!" Tseng yelled.  
Kiwasaki began to cry. That yell wasn't like before. He had funny faces with the last one. This one was out of pure anger. She hated yelling. She hated it more than anything else in the world.  
"I'm going to bed. Take her to your apartment, Sephiroth," Tseng rubbed his temples.  
"I can't," Sephiroth stated.  
"And why not?"  
"Zak was my ride here."  
"Take a cab!"  
"Besides my apartment building is getting sprayed down with poison. Apparently we had an infestation of roaches. I was supposed to stay with Valentine, but I have no idea where he stays at. Zak is already with Strife so I have no where to go."  
"Parents? A brother? A sister? Grandparents?"  
"My brothers are dead. I have no other family living. Mother is dead and you know that one."  
Tseng sighed in defeat. He couldn't believe that he was stuck with them for the night. That was right. Just for the night. He wouldn't have to get stuck with them again after that night. He would just have to bear it.  
"The couch. You two can stay there."  
"No extra bedrooms?"  
"Not for you and her. They're for true guests."  
"But mommy," came the small whine.  
After five minutes of arguing, Sephiroth and Kiwasaki finally had a room. The two had to share a twin sized bed. Sephiroth pulled back the navy blue comforter only to have Kiwasaki jump in. She snuggled down into the bed staring at her father.  
"Yeah. I guess you don't have any pajamas?" He asked.  
"Nope."  
"Me neither."  
He soon got into the bed. He smiled as he felt her cuddle against her. There really wasn't nothing wrong with, besides her gender confusion. She was already in dreamland. He, however, was up trying to figure a way out of that mess.  
In the other room, Tseng put on his navy blue pajama pants. He climbed into his bed trying not to think about his new found predicament. He was going to hate his life. He needed to find someone to adopt her and quickly. It was bad enough that he had Sephiroth in his house, but now everyone was going to think they were together.  
As he closed his eyes he couldn't think of anything besides what would happen tomorrow. He would have to hear everything from Reno. He was glad Rude was the quiet one for once. Soon he was off into his own deep sleep. Tomorrow would be a better day or the worse thing he could ever think of.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Breakfast for Three  
**

The next morning had arrived in the home of Tseng of the Turks. He growled in his sleep, turning over so he could at least get some more. His eyes opened to the sound of snickering and his door opening. There in his doorway was Sephiroth and at the foot of his bed was a certain blue haired brat. He grabbed his comforter and pulled it over his head. The two people he really didn't want to see that early in the morning. A Saturday morning at that. That only made him feel worse. He didn't have to go to work.

_How does one cope with something like this? Sephiroth in my house and some brat who thinks I'm her mother. If anyone thinks my life could be any more messed up, they are so wrong. _He thought.

Sephiroth folded his arms as he leaned silently against the door way. It wasn't like him to just be standing there in someone else's doorway...unless Zak got into his stuff again and he wanted to scare the crap out of him. It really wasn't his idea to bother Tseng. It was her idea, his daughter's idea. He knew all to well about how grumpy he could be when he wasn't working. It was like waking the alpha male lion in the afternoon.

_I don't understand how I got into this mess. I was chasing Reno and Cid for making fun of me. Then she looked at me and called me daddy. Why couldn't it be Reno or Zak. Y'know someone that Tseng actually knows. The only reason we ever talked to each other was because of our status in Shinra way back when. Even now we barely talk. It's only when I get blackmailed into little out tings do I even go somewhere with them. My only words are usually to Valentine, Zak, and Wonder boy Cloud Strife. _Sephiroth went deep into his thoughts.

Kiwasaki stood at the foot of the bed. She was snickering with the wide grin. She was waiting for her mother to get up. Then again Sephiroth did tell her that he was probably tired from working the day before. That gave her the greatest idea she could ever think of. More like the greatest nightmare Sephiroth and Tseng could ever had.

She waved at Tseng, hoping that he saw her. She looked at Sephiroth with a big smile. She kissed his hand before running out the door with the biggest smile one could think of. She went down the stairs, jumping down the last two. She seemed to be happy to actually be able to do something to make her parents together.

_Mommy and daddy wike foody. I make foody. Mommy no be made at me. Daddy smile at me. _She thought.

Tseng sat up in his bed. He saw that Sephiroth was still standing at the doorway. There was a smirk on his face that said something bad was going to happen soon. After all he only smirked when something bad was going to happen to either one of them. He could only smack his forehead in frustration.

"What is she going to do?" Tseng asked.

"Well hello to you as well, Tsengy," Sephiroth said.

"I asked...'Tsengy'?"

"You're my wife now. The girl is my daughter and you're her mother. So that means we're married."

"No it means that the girl is gender confused and she doesn't understand the concept of how to have a child."

"Have a little fun. We're only given this chance to raise a child together once."

"You're enjoying this? How can the great General Sephiroth be enjoying being tortured?"

"I'm not being tortured. You are. After all I dislike you but I like the kid. She's..."

Sephiroth stopped talking only to notice the smell. It was like something was burning, literally. He looked at Tseng with a "What is that" face. He said nothing but went out the room as silently as he came in.

Tseng got out his bed as the smell registered in his mind. His kitchen was either on fire or there was just a fire somewhere near his house. Either way, he had a guess that a certain blue haired brat was the cause of it. In the record speed of three seconds, Tseng was down the steps and in the kitchen. He stared at the mess in the kitchen along with the fire on the stove. The fire was going to reach his ceiling if he didn't do anything.

Sephiroth pushed Tseng aside. He walked casually over to the fire with a bucket in his left hand. He threw it over the fire in order to stop it. He grabbed the little girl, who was holding a spatula. He smiled gently at her. He was trying his hardest to at least get along with her. He was her father some way or the other.

"What happened to my kitchen!!!" Tseng yelled.

There was pancake batter all over the walls and floor. There were three pancakes stuck on the ceiling. Eggs were in the blender along with their shells. The fire alarm was blaring like a crying baby. Then the sprinklers came on dampening everything and everyone in the room. Opening the stove was danger in itself. There was a serious fire in there along with burnt bacon. Kiwasaki was making breakfast, but it was more of a disaster than Reno doing his paperwork.

"I made you wekwas. Mommy, you no wike wekwas?" Kiwasaki started tearing up.

"Now look what you did, Tseng. She's going to cry," Sephiroth used sad eyes on him.

"Daddy, Mommy no wikes me or wekwas!!!"

She began crying. She only wanted her mother to like her. She loved her mother and all she wanted was his happiness. She should have knwon that he wasn't going to like her. None of her "parents" did. She was a pesk to some. To all the others she was just some brat. She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up about him. He was probably just like the rest of them.

Sephiroth held her tightly. He rocked her from side to side hoping to calm her down. When the crying became small hiccups, he kissed her forehead. He gave a glare to Tseng. How can one person be so mean to a child like her? Then again Tseng was pretty evil on his days off. Of course that didn't give him the right to be mean.

"Apologize," Sephiroth said.

"No way. Why should I? She destroyed my kitchen!!" Tseng said.

"Only trying to make us breakfast."

"So?"

"Apologize!"

"Fine. I'm sorry brat."

The once quiet Kiwasaki began crying once again. Sephiroth rocked her once again, holding her tigher. He made his glare a little worse than normal. That made Tseng wince. He knew sooner or later "One Winged Angel" was going to pop up. That meant he was pissed as hell. He backed up a bit.

_Sephiroth must be seriously upset. But it's over that girl. When did he get to be such a nice guy? _Tseng thought.

"I apologize to you, Kiwasaki. I never meant to make you cry," Tseng said. "Hand her here, please Sephiroth."

"Mommy!!" Kiwasaki reached for her mother.

Sephiroth handed her to him. He looked at them before thinking that maybe she would be safe. He left out the room to find the bathroom...again. He needed a shower badly. He was full of whatever she attempted to cook. He knew all to well that she would be fine. Tseng wouldn't do anything.

One Winged Angel came on as he left. Tseng stared at the doorway wanting to understand why the song came on all of a sudden. He gave it up with a small smile. He looked at his daughter. The tears were beginning to dry up. He smiled at her with the fakest smile any human could muster. Somehow she couldn't tell that it was fake.

"Kiwasaki, I...I...I like your breakfast," Tseng said.

"Yay!! Mommy wikes wekwas!!" Kiwasaki cheered.

"Go to your room while I work on this mess."

"Ok Mommy."

Kiwasaki was put down. She ran over to the door leading to the living room. She looked backat Tseng with a smile. She had something that she really wanted to say to him.

"I wov you, Mommy."

"I...don't hate you either."

Kiwasaki ran out the room. Tseng stood there in the kitchen. He was trying to figure out how he was going to do all that. He had never seen anything like that. A headache was started to come. The cleaning was bad enough, but One Winged Angel was making it worse. If only he could stop his life right there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Park Anyone?  
**

The afternoon rolled in on that fine Saturday. The kitchen within Tseng's very expensive mansion was finally cleaned. Of course that didn't mean the owner of the home was clean, nor his two-years-old daughter. As he was in the luxurious marble everywhere bathroom on the second floor, Sephiroth was stuck in the everything is made from porcelain one on the first floor giving her a bath. With all that was said the night before about the wonderful General, one could only laugh at his shock once the girl was stripped to get into the water. The blush on his face almost made Reno's hair look pure white.

Kiwasaki quickly jumped into the bath water. Being barely 2"2 was the only reason she had to jump. Well that and Sephiroth was too busy eying a navy blue towel on the towel rack. She shook her head trying to figure out why grown-ups were so strange. She didn't have any bubbles or toys so she made use of the water around her. That was ok for about three minutes, when she went underwater and didn't come back.

So many thoughts crossed the mind of the said child. The main thought was _How he no know I no there. I below wa-wa. _She was going to give up all hope when she felt his hands wrap around her small body. She coughed out the water that she had accidentally swallowed. Who the heck had a bathtub that big was beyond her knowledge. Her only concern was why her father took so long to rescue her from almost certain death.

"I am so sorry, sweetie," Sephiroth said.

"No that again. No wike wa-wa," Kiwasaki pouted.

"The...um...water can...aw forget it. You don't like then you don't like it. I am not going to make you like it."

Sephiroth had barely noticed that he was getting soaked from the water dripping off her. He didn't even notice that she was naked until he put her down. After a short scream, he grabbed the towel and placed it around her body. Never again will he even think about giving her a bath. It was almost a scary thought. No it was beyond a scary thought, it was his worse nightmare come true.

Tseng entered the bathroom wearing his Turks uniform. He had heard Sephiroth scream and wondered what it was. After seeing the General staring into the bathtub instead of Kiwasaki, he sort of got an idea. He threw a lime green dress, which landed on the intended wearer's head, and folded his arms.

The little girl grabbed the dress off her head. She squealed in delight as she removed her towel. She tried her hardest to put her dress on. Her head couldn't fit through the hole for her head. Tseng pulled the zipper down to the dress. She smiled again as she was able to wear it finally.

"So Sephiroth, what was with the scream?" Tseng cocked his eyebrow up.

"Um...I saw a...um...a rat. I saw rat right by the toilet," Sephiroth suddenly began to blush.

"There is no rats in the high end of Edge. You should know that."

"Uh...um...where did you find the dress?"

"It was under the one she was already wearing when she got here. This one is more appropriate for the summer weather."

"Mommy!!" Kiwasaki called.

Tseng looked at her. He shook his head. There was something seriously wrong with her. If she hadn't realized it by now, he was really hating being called her mother. He was a guy not a girl.

_Why couldn't she call Sephiroth her mother? He looks like a mother more than I do. Heck he looks like a woman. All that long silver hair and that weird face shape of his that goes perfect with the way his hair borders his face...Anyway why me? _Tseng thought in his despair.

"Mommy, I wanna' play."

She began to whine and pout at the same time. She wanted to go play somewhere. Grown-ups were more boring than anything else in the whole entire world. She would rather sit somewhere to watch the grass grow or watch a park bench dry. That's when an idea hit her in the pretty little seriously dense head.

"Daddy, go parky."

"Parky? Wait you mean the park?" Sephiroth asked.

"Uh huh."

"No park. It's bad enough that Strife, Highwind, Fair, Rude, Reno, and Valentine know about you. I don't need the rest of the world thinking that I'm some sort of parent," Tseng said.

"But Mommy..."

"No buts. Besides knowing you, you'll do something extremely stupid and hurt yourself. I am not going to take you to the hospital. No way, no how."

"Not even if Rufus ordered you to do it?" Sephiroth smirked.

"My job and this brat have nothing in common."

"Suit yourself with those words, Tseng."

With that Sephiroth left the room. Trailing behind him was his beloved (don't even ask how) daughter. He had a hunch that soon Tseng would be following them to the park. He grabbed Kiwaski and carried her piggy-back style out the front door. The sun's rays were hitting his self proclaimed beautiful face with heavy heat. Not only was that a problem to him, but the weather felt like it was 110 degrees along with the humidity started to frizz his hair up. Taking a walk with his daughter to the park now seemed way out of the question.

He spotted the black Cadillac and the navy blue (if you can't tell that's Tseng's favorite color) Ford Mustang in the driveway. He gained his very evil smirk as he looked. He would take one of those cars and drive there. It was a little simpler than actually walking or calling his private limo. He would never even attempt to explain why he was at Tseng's place. Nor would anyone believe that the apartment complex he and Zak lived in had an infestation of roaches.

"You better not take my cars," Tseng called.

"Who wants your cars? I sure as heck don't," Sephiroth snorted.

"Parky. Parky, parky, parky," Kiwasaki giggled.

Sephiroth held her even tighter. He wanted to smile at her, but it just wasn't in his character to smile or even think of cracking one. There was really something wrong for him to even think about doing something like that.

Tseng walked onto his porch. He looked at the two standing in the walkway. There had to be something wrong if they weren't going anywhere. That could only mean that Sephiroth finally realized that going to the park was out of the question. It was already hot, not to mention that she was an idiot. He just couldn't shake of the feeling of at least helping them to the park. That would get them out of his hair for a while. The smirk of a demon came upon his face.

He grabbed his black shoes and keys to the Cadillac. He gave a look to Sephiroth that could mean "you are not using my car, but I'll drive it in front of you" or "come on." He turned around to face them as he realized that they weren't following him. He shook his head wishing that more people would understand him.

Sephiroth walked over to the Cadillac alongside Tseng. He, of course, was still holding onto Kiwasaki. He raised one silver eyebrow in the confusion of a certain Turk wanting to be helpful.

_I think Tseng has finally lost it. I have never seen him act nice unless there was some benefit for him. Then again I have changed with the help of my so-called "friends." Maybe Tseng has too. _Sephiroth thought.

_This better work. I swear. I don't want them in my car, especially Sephiroth. Wherever he goes his scent stays for three hours. I will never complain again if he stays out of my house forever...along with that insufferable girl. _Tseng plotted.

_Mommy go parky!! Daddy go parky too!! _The seriously mental child thought.

Twenty minutes later, the car was finally parked at the park's parking lot. They ended up walking another six minutes to get to the actual playground. Once there the two adults sat on a bench, while Kiwasaki ran to go play. The first place she went to was the sandbox where two boys were already playing.

The two looked up from their so-called sandcastle to see the girl sitting besides them. Kiwasaki's emerald eyes stared at them, trying to take in their individual looks. The one on the right was a brunette. His hair stuck up at all ends like that Chocobo she had meant the other night. He had big blue eyes that reminded her of the ocean. The other one had shoulder length silver hair. His eyes were like an aqua color, just with a more green tint in them. She had a feeling that they would be best friends.

"Hi!!" She squealed.

The brunette quickly covered his ears and shut his eyes. That squeal was loud enough to be heard from around the entire planet. The silver haired boy wrapped an arm around the others shoulder. He gave the most demonic glare he could at such a young age. That alone made her back up a little.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I no mean scare."

"It otay. No wike woud noise," the brunette smiled. "I Sora."

"I Tilataki...me think how it say," she wrinkled her nose.

"You can't say your name? How weak," the silver haired boy scoffed.

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Is no..."

"Stop, Riku," Sora whined.

Riku snorted and returned to the sandcastle. Leave it to Sora to be soft on the girl that scared him just moments ago. Then again Sora was always trying to meet new people, especially girls. Sora nuzzled his cheek against Riku's The softness of the others skin made Riku smile just a little bit.

"So you're Sora and Riku?" She asked.

"Yeah," Sora giggled.

"Can me play too?"

"Sure. Don't mess up our castle," Riku said.

As the children began to play, Tseng and Sephiroth were staring with disbelief. The little brat had actually made friends. It only meant that there was actually a God somewhere in the universe. One that almost hated the commander of the Turks.

"Our little girl is growing up," Sephiroth pulled out his MP3 player.

"Our little girl? I thought I told you I'm dropping her with the first old couple who wants kids that I see," Tseng growled.

"Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure."

"Oh shut up. You know to be so rich why couldn't you get something more expensive?"

"Because I was given this. I'm not ungrateful like a certain band of Turks that I know."

"Oh shut up!"

"..."

"Sephiroth?"

"..."

"Are you ok? Say something?"

"..."

As Tseng turned around to face the General, he felt as if a sting had hit his stomach. If something bad had happened, Rufus would be on him like a dog with steak. But looking at Sephiroth gave him an otherwise opinion. He had a stern look on his face with the headphones in his ears. The music wasn't real loud, just loud enough to hear the beat coming through. From what he could tell it wasn't One Winged Angel. Well that was one relief.

Kiwasaki and her friends walked calmly over to the two adults. Kiwasaki's eyes beamed with pride as she saw her parents. Sora looked as adorably confused as he could seeing the two men on the bench. Riku stared in shock as he saw Sephiroth. The three held their own expressions as Tseng stared at them like they were ghosts.

"He Daddy. He Mommy," Kiwasaki pointed them out.

"Your Daddy is beetaful. He looks like me," Riku said.

Riku walked closer to the man. He stared at him with aqua eyes wide. He had never seen anyone look anything like him. That could only mean one thing. That man was his father as well. He would have to make it well known to the world...maybe not the world. He would just tell Sora and Kiwasaki that.

"Mommy no man. Mommy girl," Sora said.

"Mommy girl. See. Mommy has long hair," Kiwasaki smiled.

Sora tiltled his head. His hair was short comapared to that of her father. Maybe he was wearing a wig-thing like some of the women at the orphanage did. Well at least it was better than having no parents at all he supposed.

"Mommy, what girl name?" Sora asked.

"...I am not your mother, boy," Tseng hissed.

"Mommy no mean. Sora no know name. I no know name. You tell name," Kiwasaki said.

"How do you...? You're name is Kiwasaki."

"Tilataki?"

"Kiwasaki...Key-wa-sa-key."

"Key-wa-sa-key. Haha funny name. Who name?"

"Me thinks your name, girl."

"Oh. I funny name."

Tseng sighed in despair. He looked over at the third person of their trio, Riku. He was sitting on Sephiroth's lap. The great General was lost in another world he supposed. Otherwise that boy wouldn't be there. But he could never tell with that guy. Maybe he wanted the boy up there to help him feel comfortable with Kiwasaki. Wishful thinking on both parts of that plan.

Riku took one of the headphone things out of his ear. He put it in his to listen to what his "father" was listening to. His eyes went wide. He knew that song. Well he knew some of it from a crappy movie he had to watch. But the song was faster and sounded a lot different than what it did on the movie.

Sephiroth's attention was to that of the little boy sitting in his lap. The boy had just taken him out of his paradise world. He looked closely to see that it was one of the boys that Kiwasaki was playing with only moments ago. He looked over to see Sora messing with Tseng. Kiwasaki was sitting between the two adults with a smile on her face saying she was content. Though her happiness was a good sign, he wasn't letting some boy he never knew sit on his lap like he was Santa Claus or something else to that effect.

"Child, who are you?" Sephiroth asked.

"I am Riku. I'm your son, Daddy," He smiled.

The other part to the headphone came out of his ear. His face was in shock. The Great General Sephiroth was once again claimed to be the father of some unknown child. It had to be her doing. She had to have said something to make the boy even have the slightest thought that he was his father.

"Why am I your father?"

"Cuz we look alike. Parents and children look a lot alike."

_We look alike? Sure he has silver hair. His eyes are aqua and don't have the cat slit pupils like mine. Besides I don't have kids. _Sephiroth scowled.

Tseng took the opportunity to figure out what the other was listening to. He shuddered slightly after hearing it. There was something seriously wrong with him. That song...that one song. That song was the dreaded nightmare of any adult. Well Zak liked the song, but then again was Zak even an adult. Sometimes he even wondered about that.

"The Oompa Loompa song?! The Goddamned Oompa Loompa Techno Remix?!" Tseng screamed.

"Of course. I like it, Tseng," Sephiroth said.

"Do you even know what an Oompa Loompa is?"

"No. Isn't it my name in some other language?"

"Oh my freakin' God. Are you some sort of idiot? Even these brats know what an Oompa Loompa is."

"Idiot? I am not an idiot!! I just appreciate good music unlike you!!"

Riku and Sora started to giggle. Kiwasaki started full out laughing. Tseng and Sephiroth continued their argument. People and their children stared at the two grown men acting like children.

"I wike Mommy and Daddy," Sora continued to giggle.

"Daddy is funny. Other man is weird," Riku smiled.

"Mommy and Daddy wike welling. Always welling home," Kiwasaki got down.

The three went back to play on the playground. They went over to the slide where Riku placed them both on and tried his hardest to push them both. Just hearing them laugh was enough. He was more happy with the laughing from Sora than he was of Kiwasaki's.

Hours later, Riku and Sora was taken away by the authorities of the orphanage. Kiwasaki went back to her parents as they finally calmed down. She held their hands as she yawned in her tiredness. Sephiroth picked her up gently. He stared into her eyes with the look of happiness. Tseng was being the ass he was known for. He was trying to figure out what to do with them.

"So what are you going to do, Sephiroth?" Tseng asked.

"I am going to stay with you. I don't have anyplace else to go. I checked my apartment building and it's still not done yet," Sephiroth played with Kiwasaki's hair.

"I was hoping you wouldn't say that. Fine."

The drive home was long and silent. In the end Kiwaskai fell asleep. The only thing that one could wonder was what would happen the next day. With Kiwasaki, Tseng, and Sephiroth together one may never know.

Sorry about taking so long to update this, people who actually read this. The holidays are pretty hard for me to actually write. I forget alot of things. Heck this chapter's true plot was gone after a while. Only thing I remembered about it was the Oompa Loompa song and Riku and Sora at the park. I don't own them either. So do whatever people. See ya


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Work?  
**

The weekend gave way to the weekdays. Tseng felt as if something screwed up was going to happen that day. He was request to come to work for a meeting by Rufus Shinra. The whole problem with that was he had to take Kiwasaki. Sephiroth was gone to have a day with Zak. There was no one else he could turn to in order to watch her. That meant she was stuck with him for the whole day. He was stuck watching that brat all alone in the Shinra building (more like a small shack somewhere outside of Edge).

Kiwasaki had on a new pair of dark blue jeans and green t-shirt. She was looking for her new white and blue New-Balances. She was able to go to work with her mommy. All she wanted was to be with him so she could have so much fun. Sure he wasn't exactly the best guy for fun and that he was usually yelling at her for some stupid thing that she would end up doing by accident. Well her daddy had to go do some "important manly man" stuff with her "Uncle Zak."

Tseng picked the girl up after fixing his tie. He wasn't in the mood to put his hair in a ponytail, so he just let it hang to his shoulder. He grabbed her shoes by the door while slipping his own on. Walking out to his Mustang, he put on her shoes. He opened his car door unlocking the back door. He placed her a car seat that he had bought the day before. He secured her before placing his suitcase and her bag on the floor by her feet. Kissing her forehead to comfort her, he gave a weak smile. Sliding into the driver's side of the car, he grumbled about wanting to be alone for the car drive to work.

"Are you all right back there?" he asked.

"Yes, Mommy," Kiwasaki yawned.

"Ok. As long as you are ok right now."

"Mommy, where Daddy?"

"He left," was the growl that was heard.

The car ride was silent as he made it to the main highway. Not even the small snores from the small girl seemed to get up to the front seat. He took out his cell and hit his speed dial button. Sephiroth was going to pay for that. Leaving him with that slow girl who didn't even know how to pronounce her own name. Well the only good thing about it was the fact that he didn't have to hear Zak's ramblings about who knows what (more like anything that came to mind).

"Sephiroth," came the voice on the other phone.

"You sick bastard! How dare you leave me with your daughter?" Tseng yelled.

"One, she's both of our daughter. Two, I had already made plans to be around Zachary today. I would have taken her, but she was sleep. I didn't want to wake her."

"So what? You know I hate her!"

"Tsengy, I'm sorry. I'll get her tomorrow. I promise."

"Promise? Shove that thing up your..."

"I am sorry, but you're call has been disconnected. Please hang up and call again," the operator said.

Tseng put his phone back in his pocket. Looking back briefly, he saw her still sleeping only with her thumb in her mouth. He returned to his driving making the right turn to get to the building. He didn't even have time to get some breakfast before leaving the house. The whole Shinra company was finally going to meet Tseng on his worse day. He pulled into the parking lot with an evil aura following the car.

He slammed his door shut after he got out the car, waking Kiwasaki up. The small girl began to cry being awaken from the car slam. He opened her car door, picking her up only to put her on the ground. He gave her the bag with her snacks, extra clothing, and toys. He then grabbed his suit case with a sigh. He held her hand as they walked into the building. Stares from the men and woman that worked there all came at the door.

"Aw, who's this cutie-pie, Tseng," Elena asked.

"None of your freakin' business, woman!" Tseng screamed.

The scream from her superior made her shut up. She looked at the half sleep Kiwasaki for the last time before leaving the scene. That made Reno step up to the plate. He smiled at the little demon affectionately called Kiwasaki.

"Unless you are taking her off my hands, I'd advise you to get the hell away from me," Tseng said calmly.

"Aw, but she's so precious. She's the exact opposite of you, boss," Reno smiled.

"Hi Reno! I Tilataki," the girl put up her right hand.

"If you don't learn to say your name, I will personally tattoo it on your arm."

"I say name. You no ear name."

Reno stared at her with a blank look. He didn't know anything about small children and talking, but he was pretty sure they could say their own names. Then Tseng was talking about tattooing it on her arm. It wasn't like she could read it anyway. Oh boy. This was going to be the weirdest day ever.

"Um, Princess Shinra needs to see you," Reno turned on his heel.

"Pwin-nes? Where Pwin-nes?" Kiwasaki bounced.

"Who is this princess?" Tseng's eyebrow raised.

"You know, Rufus. He's in his 'office'."

"Thank you, Reno."

Tseng tightened his grip on Kiwasaki's hand. He started dragging her to the "office" of "Princess" Rufus Shinra. Once in there Kiwasaki's eyes went wider than normal for a small child. The "princess" was a blonde haired man sitting on the edge of a bed. His eyes were focused on a paper. He was a beautiful princess in the eyes of this child.

"Your ma-sty," Kiwasaki bowed.

Tseng looked at her. He then looked at Rufus who's eyes were on her as well. They realized that that child was beyond crazy she was strange. Her whole disposition was different. She seemed more calm than ever. Could this child be the little brat he was taking care of for the last few days.

"Uh...um...Tseng, who is she?" Rufus finally asked.

"This is Kiwasaki. She's my daughter in a sense. I found her on my porch with a note," Tseng answered.

"Oh. The miracle child that Reno told me about," there was a pause that was the cause of a demonic growl. "She's kind of cute."

"Cute my ass."

Rufus disregarded that last part as he called the young girl over. He always loved small children for some reason. Whether it was the innocence that they had or the fact that his life was a messed up as a chimera he didn't know. All he did know was that she was going to be well taken care of. For what reason did he believe that? It's all because he thinks parenthood is the same as being his bodyguard. So Tseng was the best choice for the job.

The bathroom door swung open. Tseng's eyes went to the door. The once scowling man's jaw started to drop completely. It almost hit the floor as he saw the man to the left of him.

"Pwin-ness? Ampy?" Kiwasaki turned her head between the two.

"Princess? Where's a princess?" Rufus asked the girl.

"I think she means you," The man who was once in the bathroom said.

Kiwasaki ran over to him. A smile was present on her face. She was happy. Her whole calm demeanor was gone. She was the crazy seriously happy over hyper child she once was.

"Ampy!! Hi Ampy!!" Kiwasaki smiled even more.

"It's Vincent, little one. Say Vincent," he laughed.

"Tin-en?"

"Close enough."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Tseng was finally able to scream.

"He works here. He's our delivery boy," Rufus explained. "Now how am I a princess?"

Rufus was once again ignored. Vincent soon got into an argument with Tseng. That left Kiwasaki bored. She realized once again that grown-ups were the most boring people ever created. Maybe she could go bother Reno. He seemed more like a child than a grown up. He could possibly be a "child-up." Now she had to wonder what a child-up was.

Said redhead was walking back to the living room with coffee. He was bored out of his mind. What was the point of going to work when they never had anything to do? Who the heck was going to attack the princess in his own house? Other than the crazy Turks that were now sitting around doing nothing. Well at least he had Rude and Elena to bother since Tseng was in the pissiest mode he'd ever seen him in.

He turned slightly after hearing the sound of footsteps. He could tell that it wasn't Tseng. That guy walked more silent than a cat on carpet. Rude was sitting on the couch watching some judge show. Elena was in the kitchen moping about Tseng being mean. Rufus was in his room, besides the guy would use his cell phone to text them if he really wanted something. The new\old guy, Vincent Valentine, well he hadn't seen him since he came into the buidling. That could only leave one person. That little girl that was making Tseng's life a living hell at home.

He gave a chuckle when he finally saw her through the corner of his eye. She was going to be his new best friend. His new best female friend, since Rude was his best male friend. He grabbed her as she walked over to the arm of the chair that his sitting in. It seemed that the shopping incident went well the other day. Boy, did he ever feel sorry for Tseng after seeing how hyper that girl was just from eating one whole M&M.

"Hi Reno," she giggled.

"Hey, Little Demon Princess...that's too long. How about Demon Princess?" Reno smiled.

"Or how about shut-up Reno so Rude can actually watch his show?" Rude spoke up.

"All I said was one sentence and you're getting after me already?"

"Yes. One sentence to you is about two hours for the rest of us."

Reno didn't say anything directly after that. There was a huge amount of silence in the air. The sound of the TV seemed to have died down in silence. Not even their breathing was being heard.

"That's the most you've ever said in one day. I think that I have finally gotten to you," Reno gave a smile.

"Reno, just shut up!" Rude screamed.

Reno closed his mouth quickly. He bounced the little girl on his knee trying his hardest to keep his mouth shut. The girl was so cute. How could he not say anything to her? He wasn't trying to get Rude to try to kill him. This was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do. He was always talking. There wasn't a moment in his life that he wasn't talking.

"No mean, Gampa!" Kiwasaki said with a glare.

The glare resembled Sephiroth's a lot. That made Rude shutter at the thought of that man actually being a father to a small girl who could barely speak the English language. That girl was unique already. She had Tseng for a mother (yes he was chuckling as he remembered that part) and big bad General Sephiroth as a father (he covered his mouth to stop from laughing). He covered his mouth a little too late as he heard One Winged Angel (Crisis Core style) play. What was with that girl? Was she a minature Sephiroth after only two or three days with him.

"Reno, Gampa mean!" Kiwasaki poked her tongue out.

"Uh..." Reno dared not to say anything.

"Reno, you no talky. Why?"

"Um..."

"Gampa no hurt you. I here."

"Well then um...ok?"

"Hahahah. You funny."

Reno stared at the girl, who's new theme song was still going on as she laughed like a mad man. Maybe she really was Sephiroth's daughter. She was more like him than anything. He bet even Tseng would agree with him on something like that. Wow wouldn't that be a first.

Speaking of the Turk leader, he came in storming like Hojo when one of his experiments ran away (like anyone blamed them). He was holding some papers in his hands, scanning the room like it was some kind of new environment. They had worked there for about eight months now, so there shouldn't be anything different. Unless he wasn't looking at the environment like he needed somewhere to sit, but looking for someone. Reno wuickly ducked under the coffee table, worried that it might be him in trouble for scribbling on his reports instead of actually writing them out. How does one write a five page report on flying a helicopter around Midgar to make sure that none of Jenova's "children" are coming back from who knows where.

"Where's that brat, Reno?" Tseng said through clenched teeth.

"Um...by Rude...wait how'd you know I was here, yo?" Reno said.

"I don't know. Maybe a red ponytail that is still on the couch for some stupid reason. Or it could be the fact that you aren't as small as a Goddamned coffee table!!!"

"Calm down, boss man. What could Demon Princess have done that bad?"

Little did the redhead know, that was the wrong question to sit there and ask. Tseng had had enough of her since the moment he found her. If he had to count up all the countless stupid things she had done, he wouldn't be finish until the end of the week. And that was just between last Friday and the now Monday.

"She scribbled all over my report to Rufus. You know how important it is for him to know how we all are doing."

"Oh."

"Mommy find piture? Mommy wike piture yes?"

Tseng's anger started boiling over the limit. He walked over calmly to the small girl. He grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. He shook her until she began to cry. With the crying came the sound of One Winged Angel (Advent Children style). From that came a strong gust of wind blowing open the front door. In maybe two seconds did Tseng feel the tip of a sword against his back. It couldn't have been...? It shouldn't have been...?

"Stop threatening our daughter!" Sephiroth hissed.

Apparently it was. That was just great on Tseng's part. Not only did it confirm the fact that he was indeed taking care of this brat, but she was considered both of their daughter. Like he really wanted to let the whole know that he wsa taking care of a mental girl that couldn't even say her own name.

"Daddy," the girl struggled to say. "Zakky puppy!!"

Zak appeared behind Sephiroth with a smile on his face. Yupp. It seemed like Sephiroth's suspicions that the girl ws going to get killed within half an hour of the phone call was true. Well at least he got to see his little niece. He was attached to her like most people were.

"Give her here, Tseng," Zak smiled even more.

"You can take her. Just get the General to take his sword off my back."

"Sure thing. You heard the Turk. Release the Masamune."

Tseng handed Kiwasaki over to Zak as soon as the wretched blade left his back. He turned to look at Rude and Reno, who were whistling at the TV to pretend to not have witnessed anything that just happened. Work. That was the worse time of his life. He knew it could have gotten worse, but that felt like it was the worse he ever in his life. How could he possibly survive with that brat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Lunch Break  
**

Work went by as smoothly as a road that hadn't been kept up in seventy years. Yes people, Tseng was having the worse day he could ever think of and it was all thanks to his daughter. The first thing that went wrong was the report he had to give to Rufus. All the scribbles made it so hard to read. The next thing was Sephiroth. The man ended up staying at Shinra to make sure she wouldn't get hurt. Then of course Reno had to be stupid enough to prank him. He did the old, switch coffee with mud trick. Tseng was so pissed off that he hadn't noticed it. But when he did Reno was hung on the back of the bathroom door, hitting the wall every time someone opened it. Now was the worse thing that had happened to him all day, lunch. Mondays were his days to car pool the Turks to some restaurant in the city. He was going to have serious problems today. Its starts with Elena trying to sexually harass him, Reno and Vincent bothering him about Kiwasaki, Sephiroth being Sephiroth, Zak talking about anything like a small child, and finally his daughter. Rude was maybe the only one that didn't bother him. Well that was until he got paranoid about the man thinking horrible thoughts about him.

Kiwasaki sat on Zak's lap in the back of the truck of the carpooling Turks. It was her idea of fun to talk to almost everyone there. She didn't want to distract Tseng from driving, so he didn't get talked to by her. Rude was still pretty mean in her book so there wasn't a peep to him either. Then there was Elena. She could feel cold air running from Tseng's body whenever she got too close so as his daughter she was going to make sure that the woman didn't touch him. She wanted her mother and father to be the perfect family with her. That was the dream of any child that had no real family. She really wanted to be the perfect daughter to her parents. She was not going to let this lady ruin that opportunity for her.

Sephiroth sat in the passenger's seat holding his head. With all the screaming down at the office, he had a raging headache about the size of a watermelon. There was some seriously funny moments, like watching Reno take his punishment for bothering Tseng. Then there was the whole Kiwasaki doing some of the stupidest things. He wondered how he managed to live without her all this time being alive once again. She made Tseng's life miserable, yet made his happy. If this was what happiness was, he would take care of her for the rest of her life. His head was still hurting like Cloud using Omnislash on him three or four times in a row. He would stop it soon, just not now with Tseng growling about their daughter.

"Ampy!!" Kiwasaki said.

"It's Vincent. Vin-cent," he answered.

"Tin-en! Tin-en!"

"What do you want, little one?"

"I hungy! Me foody!!!"

"I can't help that. I think we all need food right about now."

"I no foody? Me no foody?!"

"Look at wha' you did, Vampire. She's crying," Reno patted her back.

A small almost unseen gesture led to Vincent pulling out Cerberus on Reno. He held it close to his head, finger ready to pull his trigger. That would have one less problem for the whole world. But that would mean that Tseng would have one last problem. Decisions, decisions. No he would spare the brat this time. Maybe next time he would kill him. Humor and sanity did not go hand in hand at all. He lowered the gun, putting it back into it's holster on his left thigh.

"You're lucky. I was going to kill you for calling me a 'vampire'. She has an exception since she can barely say her own name apparently," Vincent muttered.

"Man. Ex-Turks are crazy as Sephiroth," Reno exhaled.

"What was that about Sephiroth?" said man turned around.

"Uh..."

"Reno say daddy cwool. Daddy west wighter in world," Kiwasaki saved her new friend.

"Fine. If I hear my name out of anyone else's mouth...I'm turning on the radio."

Of course nobody said anything. The music would have helped with the silence in the truck. What nobody knew was that Sephiroth wasn't talking about listening to anyone's favorite stations. They were going to listen to something none of them were going to listen to since they were all Turks. Maybe Elena would listen to it, since she was weird...and a girl.

"So Sephy, what will we listen to?" Zak smiled.

"We're listening to that one station that only plays chick love songs!" Tseng yelled.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" came the screams from the back.

Sephiroth and Tseng put in their emergency ear plugs as they turned the station to the bunch of crazy love songs. It was easy to tell that they all wanted to die in the next five seconds. They didn't want to hear it at all. All they wanted was the silence that was once there. Well except Rude. He hadn't budged since they first got in the truck. He had his earphones of his Ipod in his ear listening Crawling by Linkin Park. He was unfazed with anything that was going on the outside world.

"Zak, why did you open your big mouth?" Elena screamed.

"I thought he was going to play some kind of rock song. I wasn't expecting this," Zak moaned.

"Well at least I didn't do it this time," Reno cheered.

"I could always kill you in the end anyway," Vincent smirked.

The four adults were just yelling about this whole mess like it was truly only one somebody's fault. It was all of their faults in a way. The young Kiwasaki tried to bounce on Zak's knee as he was still arguing with the others. She didn't know about most of the things they were shouting about. She had only said no, because the rest of them had said it. She was a follower not a leader.

In fifteen more minutes they pulled into the parking lot of the local McDonalds. This wasn't some normal McDonalds. This was the super fun house McDonalds. It was the McDonalds made for children. Snickers were heard in the car from the adults. Tseng quieted down the two Turks and Zak. All he had to do was pull out a shiny black pistol. He loved being a psychopath.

They went into the building, pretty quietly due to the glare on the Turk Commander's face. Inside the place was a little worse than just the outside. Outside you could see the little slides and play area. On the inside you saw everything. It was like a child's playground in a park somewhere. It was the worst nightmare of any person that did not like children. But it was the only place that he could take Kiwasaki without her making a complete scene for being so stupid sometimes.

Zak, Sephiroth, and Vincent went to sit down with Kiwasaki while Tseng, Reno, Rude, and Elena went to get food for all of them. Kiwasaki sat in the lap of her father as they started to talk about anything. Whether it was about the good old days or anything else, she couldn't tell. She was just glad to be away from her mother's anger for a little while.

"Y'know we're all gonna' die from eating all this junk food one day," Zak smiled.

"Who said I'm eating something from this place besides a salad?" Vincent and Sephiroth said.

"That's chick food."

"And your point is what?" Vincent asked.

"I dunno'. Maybe the whole world would like to know that the Great General and the guy who saved the world from Omega likes to eat salads instead of a hamburger or something."

"And..." it was Sephiroth's turn.

"You guys are no fun. You're supposed to panic and stuff."

"And this is coming from the gayest guy in our little circle?"

"Vincent, I am not homosexual. I'm bisexual. Did you forget that Aerith and I were an item for a while?"

"I didn't know anything. I was asleep when you were alive. Maybe our general knows something?"

"Zakky puppy!!!"

"Huh? Yes, precious."

"I foody. Foody, foody, foody!!"

Zak smiled, holding her little hand. He grabbed a bag of peanuts from his pants pocket. He pulled one out and placed in her mouth. He retracted his hand quickly after she bit his fingers. He popped it in his mouth looking at the two other adults around him.

"This girl is a demon!" Zak said.

"Not really. She's just hungry. Even Strife could do something like that if he's hungry like this," Sephiroth said.

"My favorite Chocobo can be a demon?"

"Cloud is a demon. You haven't noticed how he fights when he uses that Buster Sword?" Vincent's eyebrow cocked.

"Don't cap on the sword. It's my gift from Ang...Ange..." Zak could only start the sentence before he started to full out cry.

Kiwasaki took that as her time to leave. She went over to the play area. Her eyes went wide as she saw two people she never thought she'd see so quickly. It was her new friends from the other day. She couldn't remember their names, she just remembered playing with them.

"Hi Kiwasaki," the young silver haired boy waved.

"Come pway, girl!!!" the brunette squeaked.

"K...um??" Kiwasaki smiled.

"You forget our names?"

"I sorry. I no member."

"I Riku. He Sora."

"Oh. Hi Sora. Hi Riku. I Tilataki!"

"Your name is Kiwasaki. Key-wa-sa-key."

"I say 'dat."

"Not arguing."

"Tanks, Riku."

"Anything for my Sora."

"Riku. My sweet Riku."

"Can we play now?"

"Sure."

"Yeah whatever. Is daddy here?"

"Yeah. He over there."

Riku left his two friends to go see Sephiroth, A.K.A his daddy. The other two went to play in the playset. They first went into the ball pit, where Kiwasaki thought she was drowning again. Sora held her tightly since he had thought that too about six minutes before she arrived. They were destined to be friends. It was so easy to see since they were exactly alike sometimes.

Back with the adults, the Turks returned to the table with their food. Well after Reno ordered more food for eating them, and after Tseng threatened Elena with being shot. But they really got there after Rude almost threw them all into the wall for being complete idiots in public. Once settled down, Sephiroth, Tseng, and Vincent grabbed their salads. They were not going to be put into the fight between the others and their cheeseburgers and Rude's chicken sandwich.

"You guys are weird," Elena said.

"What?" Vincent gave her his best sneer.

"Not weird like vampire weird."

Sephiroth and Zak held back Vincent from trying to kill her. He wanted to kill anyone that would call him a vampire or mention something real stupid about vampires around him. So yeah, you should guess that he wanted to kill Elena just for mentioning the word around him.

"Let me at her!!" Vincent growled.

"No. No killing today," Zak held him tightly.

"I don't need to be going into Shinra anymore today," Sephiroth said.

"...Wait. I can always just shoot her."

He reached for his Cerberus in the holster on his left thigh only to find it missing. He looked around in a panic. He was never too far from his personal favorite gun or his machine gun. And he had to leave his machine gun home because of the stupid laws of Edge. But Cerberus...where could it possibly be. He turned to his right to see Tseng examining it.

"Tseng, could you politely give me my gun back," he asked.

"Not now. It's pretty interesting. Besides...I can't have you shooting up my subordinate right now," Tseng looked up.

"AWW Tseng you do care!!" Elena squealed.

"I care about you like Sephiroth cares for haircuts."

"I highly object that. I've seen Seph get a haircut before. Then he screamed all the way back to the SOLDIER quarters...but still," Zak smiled.

"Thanks, Zak. How about we tell them the rest of my life back in SOLDIER," Sephiroth rub his temples.

"You mean all the stuff you did with Genesis and the..."

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

Zak shut his mouth quickly. He only opened it again just so he could take a bit out of his Big Mac. Sephiroth was still the scariest thing this side of the Lifestream. He could probably scare Rufus Shinra into giving up his company and all luxuries of being rich. No probably to it, he could and would if he wanted to.

Sephiroth was eating his chicken salad while trying to hold back the blush on his cheeks of the embarrassment Zak almost gave him. He felt something tug on his signature black leather trench coat. Thinking it was Kiwasaki, he gave whatever it was tugging on him a small piece of chicken. He returned back to his eating while listening to the conversation of Vincent and Tseng. Ok he was staring at Vincent for some unknown reason that he didn't understand.

_You know Vincent's kinda' cute. Wait did I just say that? Yeah I've been around Fair way too long. Then again, maybe I do like him. But the guy reminds me of someone. Can't pinpoint..._

"Daddy!!" there was a yell.

"Yes, Kiwasaki?" Sephiroth answered.

"I not girl. I Riku!"

"When did Sephiroth get a son?!" Reno dropped his extra large fries. "I thought you were a virgin, yo?"

"Daddy no virgin. I would no be here if he virgin," Riku gave an innocent smile.

"What do they teach little children in nursery school these days?" Rude looked at the little boy.

"Good question," Elena remarked.

Riku climbed onto Sephiroth's lap with a huge smile. The old ladies from the orphanage would have to believe him now. The two looked exactly alike. And to make matters better, the old ladies were sitting just two booths away from them. He would let everyone see that he had a father. He was just so busy and didn't know that he had a son.

"Dere' Riku," Sora's cute little voice said.

"Oh God. No more children," Sephiroth moaned.

"Something wrong with children, Sephiroth?" Vincent asked.

"Yes. Children have problems. They think I'm their daddy."

"Like who, yo?" Reno couldn't help but butt in.

Sephiroth grabbed the collar of Riku, who was eating some of the chicken from his salad. Then he grabbed Kiwasaki before she was able to climb on Zak like she wanted to. The only normal one was Sora, but he called Tseng his mother too, so maybe not. Well it was better than being all of their daddies.

"Daddy, down!!" Kiwasaki giggled.

"Maybe." Sephiroth smirked...nope no smile.

"Zakky puppy, welp!!"

"No way, kiddo." Zak waved his burger.

"Mommy?"

"Already holding your friend. Who better not be eating my salad," Tseng said.

"Oops. Heh heh, sorry mommy\daddy," Sora smiled.

"Weno? You welp?"

"No can do. Your pops might eat me," Reno smiled.

"I'm not a carnivore!"

"Yeah. But maybe Jenova is."

"Leave my mother out of this!!!"

"Gramma?" Riku and Kiwasaki said hopefully.

"Ugh. No. She's dead."

"No she ain't. Our princess has her hidden away," Rude spoke up.

"Pwin-cess Ugus has Gramma?"

"It's Rufus. And no he does not have my mother. She's dead. Died giving birth to me."

Yes people around them were looking as if they were crazy. A princess named Rufus holding onto a grown man's mother? Not to mention another grown man being called a mother. A guy who looked real similar to a vampire is out in the daytime? The only thing that made a just a little sense is the children calling the man their father.

Kiwasaki was able to get out of her father's grasp. She ran to the other side of the booth to jump on Reno's lap. It was their that she discovered her Happy Meal. Squealing, she started to eat her cheeseburger. She passed a couple French fries to Sora and Riku to let them eat as well.

Yes this was Tseng's lunch. Though he had expected it to be much worse than that, it was still pretty horrible. Getting rid of the two orphans was bad enough since they had grown way too attached to them. But Elena thought she could grab his "prize." That was maybe the one time he had been glad of the small children there. So maybe having a daughter wasn't sooo bad. All he needed was her to be a little brighter. Too bad that lunch was officially over for the Turks.


	7. Chapter 7

**Baby Sitting 101 with Reno and Zak**

It was a Tuesday evening at the fancy mansion of everyone's favorite Turk Commander, Tseng. He had on his Turk uniform waiting for the two idiots he was looking out for. He started pacing the room, eyes darting to the couch where a certain crazy little demonic girl was sitting at "reading" some book she had found. He walked over to her and sat down right next to her. He grabbed the hair brush that was sitting on the coffee table. It would be the sixth time that day that he brushed her hair. It seemed like whenever he did it, he had to brush again later that day. But when Sephiroth did it, it would stay in that same style for at least two days.

Sephiroth came out of the bedroom on the first floor that he was staying in while his apartment was getting fumigated. Walking behind the couch, he took the brush from Tseng's hands and jumped onto the couch sitting on the other side of Kiwasaki. He placed the little child in his lap opening a jar of hair gel as he looked at the tangled mess of silk blue hair. Only Tseng's expertise could mess up hair that was almost as beautiful as his. Only his new housemate could not know how to do hair.

Kiwasaki giggled slightly as she felt herself being lifted by her father. She put her book down to look up into the cat-like green eyes that seemed glow even brighter than normal. She loved the color of his eyes it made her feel real special. It was like she had a world of color all to herself when she looked at them. She hadn't even got to when she could see herself in those eyes or when she looked into the beautiful brown ones her mother had.

"I don't understand how you can keep her hair did like that," Tseng said.

"All you need is some hair gel and wash her hair a lot. We have the detangler formula of shampoo and conditioner so the tangles will get out easier. Then of course we have to train her hair to different styles, hence the reason it always comes out of the ponytails you do and why it never lays completely flat," Sephiroth continued brushing her hair.

"Why not just use hair gel?"

"Ah...it's not just hair gel. It's what kind of hair gel\glue you wished to use. There are some that are meant for spikes and some for other styles that I really didn't know required gel. But using the gel too much will cause her hair to get stuck in that style and even after washing it, it will stay the same. So you got to be careful when using that stuff. Glue is ten times worse than gel when being used...ask Strife for further questions."

"Why does that hair style look frighteningly familiar?"

"Look real close, Tsengy. It should not be so hard to tell."

"Oh no. It's...it's..."

"Ring-ring. Ring-ring," Kiwasaki exclaimed.

"What?"

"Doorbell, Tseng. It's ringing."

"Shut up."

Tseng walked over to the door, grimacing at the scribbles that were still on the walls surrounding it. He would clean that off one day, he just didn't know how long it would be until he actually had free time to do that. Opening the door he saw nothing but violet Mako enhanced eyes staring at him with such glee he didn't think was possible for any normal human being. It could only be the General's "best friend" and second in command since everyone else was dead, Zak Fair, or as the child says Zakky Puppy. Behind him was red. Red? Yes red, which could only register for one person in the mind of this particular Turk. It was...

"Hiya', boss man!" came the greeting.

It was Reno as I was trying to say before in the other paragraph. The redhead was there for something, he just couldn't register what it could possibly be. He looked past the redhead and the puppy, who was already pushing past him to get into the house, to see if the person he asked to babysit had come. Apparently he didn't; not that Tseng could blame him after everything the girl did in the last couple of days at work. No...he could not have Reno in his house while he was out on this "important" mission for Rufus. He cursed everything that was in his sight as he let the retard...I mean second best Turk into his home.

Sephiroth placed Kiwasaki on Zak's lap to finish up the back of the girl's head. Watching Tseng become incredibly depressed was always something he found amusing. The guy was standing at his front door looking at the dark night while Reno was already helping himself to the wine that was in the kitchen. One of these days maybe Tseng would learn that everyone likes watching him be miserable. As for now, he would let it all be silent, do this child's hair, leave the mansion, and make fun of Tseng being miserable like he was doing in his head at that exact moment. Life was so sweet when nothing directly involved him.

"Daddy!!!" came the yell.

"Yes, Kiwasaki?" he answered.

"Zakky est-on."

"What??"

"I think she said that Zak has a question, yo," Reno answered with a mouth full of rice.

"Oh. Well what is it?"

"Well like, Seph, where are you going tonight?" Zak asked touching the child's bare stomach.

"Out. I have stuff to do tonight."

"Stuff? What kinda' stuff?"

"General stuff."

"General as in your rank in Soldier, which doesn't even exist anymore? Or general as in you ain't gonna' tell any type of specifics?"

"Fair, shut the hell up."

"Fine."

Zak stopped talking to Sephiroth only to start talking gibberish to Kiwasaki. Everyone else just seemed to keep thinking he was a little child. They gave him no respect. And yes this is all going through his head, but like most things that go on in his head it was being ignored.

_Will you listen to me you big baboon!! _Zak's mind was screaming.

"Zakky puppy?" Kiwasaki squealed.

"Yeah, li'l pumkin," Zak answered while shaking his head to get rid of the strange voice in his head.

"I pwetty?"

"Of course. You're really pretty, especially with that familiar looking hair style."

"Tankky, Daddy."

"Welcome, precious."

Sephiroth stood up. He dusted off his pants and walked over to the door. Blowing a kiss at Kiwasaki, he pushed Tseng out of the way so he could leave. Tonight was going to be really weird. He could already tell that. He just felt sorry for Tseng once he returned from that mission he was supposed to go on. He left out of the mansion holding back all the laughter he would let out later on that night.

Tseng turned around still with disbelief that he had Reno, Zak, and Kiwasaki all in his mansion and soon to be all alone in there. He was going to regret that worse than he regretted having Sephiroth in his car on Saturday...twice. The three of them were like having a pack of wild boars in by his most expensive china. He really didn't want to go on his mission knowing that they were in his house. He had just finished cleaning up some of the stuff that his so-called daughter had made the other day and he was still unhappy about it.

"Are you sure that you all will be alright?" Tseng asked.

"Yes. Kiwasaki isn't that much of a handful. As for Reno, come on. How hard can taking care of a grown man truly be? I take care of myself all the time," Zak smiled.

"That is what I am so terribly afraid of."

"Mommy 'ave (have) fun. Zakky Puppy and Reno here. I 'atch 'em," Kiwasaki smiled.

"Oh Gaia no."

"Boss man, just go," Reno winked.

It took the three of them to push Tseng out the door. A man that small should not be so freaking heavy ever in any of their lives. When they finally got him out the door, they found a shiny black .34 caliber pistol pointed directly at them. He was frowning for some strange reason which wasn't nearly as strange as the little girl holding the door smiling like he was about to pick her up or something along those lines. The Wutain Turk placed his gun back in his pocket and walked through the door and over to the couch where he sat down. He crossed his legs and with a smirk he looked at the babysitters for his "daughter."

"What's up, boss?" Reno asked.

"I just need to make sure that you aren't going to mess up my house. I haven't cleaned it up to the point that it is sparkling the way it used to before that little brat came into my life," Tseng closed his eyes extra slowly.

"Don't worry about that. I can handle it, yo."

"Right. You know something, I think I will leave my cell phone number and my PHS number on the fridge in case of emergency. By emergency I mean if one of you fall asleep and the other is left with this demon on their own or if she's up on her own when she knocks you both out which she can and will. Her food is on top of the stove, since she is allergic to something in Wutain sauce that's in the chicken. She is only allowed to drink water but she has to stop at 8 because she isn't completely potty trained meaning that she will use the bathroom in her sleep. This is her bath night so make sure she gets it and does not drown this time and wash her hair. She cannot watch any television, she grounded for writing on my walls and papers. And..."

"Stop worrying, Tseng. We can handle her just fine with all the instructions that you just left. Reno can't be that stupid to not understand anything that you said and you know that I understand you," Zak said.

"Shut up. And like I was saying her bedtime song is _Itsumo Itsudemo_ by Home Made Kazoku."

"Wikey 'imo ismo.' Mommy sings," Kiwasaki jumped up and down.

"Tseng sings? Man that's crazy."

"Shut up. Just take care of my house. If I return home and see even one extra spot anywhere, I kill every single one of you."

It was with those words that Tseng left them alone in his house that had some kind of sugary product with a two-years-old girl, that Turk that could ruin everything in a matter of seconds, and a Soldier that was slightly retarded at times. He knew that he was crazy for leaving his house to them, but what else could he possibly do since he _had_ to go on this mission to get a raise in his paycheck. Sure he lived a comfortable life style, according to everyone around him, but having a few extra gil never hurt anyone.

Back inside of poor Tseng's house that was inhabited by the three people he trusted the least to be inside his house all by their lonesome, Reno was feeding the girl. He was actually shocked that the girl was cooperating with eating whatever the heck that food was. Tseng had probably brainwashed the girl to think that it was food and not the Wutain food that was inside the refrigerator. He would have fed it to her if he wasn't afraid that she was really allergic to the sauce and could swell up like a balloon only to die a very painful death afterwards. He took a spoonful of whatever the heck he was feeding her only to find out it was mashed turkey and mashed potatoes. It was warmed up baby food basically.

Zak was warming up some of the Wutain food that was in the fridge for both him and Reno. Why was he trying to feed the seriously annoying Turk was beyond him? Wait who was he to call someone annoying when he was almost as annoying to Sephiroth. Aw who cared about little technicalities like that. He sat down in one of the chairs at the table as he waited for the microwave to ding signaling that his food and that of Reno's would be done and he could actually get something to eat.

The microwave dinged and Zak practically dived for it and the food that was sitting inside of it. If there was anything that he wanted it was food since being dead and in the lifestream really didn't help for when you return from the dead and all the hunger pains that came with it. He opened it up and grabbed the two plates of food. His brain had yet to realize that they were as hot as boiling water until he placed them on the table in front of the chair he was once sitting in and Reno. He blew on his hands in an attempt to stop them from burning, when that failed he stuck his hands inside the dishwater that Tseng had made. He felt extremely stupid when his hands were dunked into hot water. He didn't know whether or not to scream his head off or just shake it off like the Soldier he was supposed to be. Forget Soldier and all of it's feel no pain training, he was going to scream.

Kiwasaki struggled to get out of her high chair that Reno put her in as per request from her mother. She wanted to help her best friend at the moment because he was hurt for some odd reason that she wasn't paying attention to. Yet she knew that it was her destiny to help him because that was what friends do and they were best friends. In that extremely tiny mind of hers she wondered if she could have two best friends because she really liked Reno, maybe even more than she liked Zak. When she finally slipped through the opening since Reno didn't strap her down, she walked over to Zak trying to figure out what to do with him. She remembered when she scraped her knee once that her father had kissed it and gave her an awkward smile talking about something. So that was what she was going to do for him. She was going to kiss his hands better, give him a smile that said everything would be just fine, and then she would talk to him about something.

"Zakky puppy?" she looked up at him with big emerald eyes.

"Not now, Princess. I'm in pain," Zak said with tears in his eyes.

Kiwasaki took his left hand first and kissed it as gently as she remembered Sephiroth did her knee. She grabbed his other hand and kissed it as well. She looked up at him with the biggest chibi eyes that she could manage and her smile was almost as wide as her eyes were at the moment. She could see the tears in his eyes stop swelling and were drying up quickly. He was smiling at her the same way he usually did. She was so happy that she was finally able to help someone without being a nuisance to everyone that she knew.

"Now Puppy, what learn?"

"Haha. I learned not to get food out the microwave after it's been in it for about two minutes. I really should have realized that last time."

"Yeah, pups, you should have realized that when you made burritos at the office today, yo," Reno took a spoonful of the Wutain rice.

"Shut up, Reno. I don't see you trying to cook anything for us."

"Puppy, Reno, no wellin'. Mommy and daddy well a wot. I no wike wellin."

Zak picked the small girl up and smiled at her with one of his most goofy smile. He really liked the little girl since she was so much like him. She was slightly slow but she was so happy exactly like him. He would love to have a child like her one day, but he knew better than to even bring that up to Tseng and Sephiroth. The two had grown attached to her even if Tseng pretended to hate her and Sephiroth tried to leave time Tseng went to work and at night.

"Aw, is Demon Princess upset?" Reno said.

"Me no wike wellin," Kiwasaki repeated herself.

"So if I were to raise my voice, what would you do?"

"Me kick ass!!"

"Where the hell did...what the hell, yo!!"

"Tseng is really rubbing off on her," Zak shook his head.

"Don't stand there like she ain't did something, punish her."

"Fine fine. Act like you can't do anything."

"If I had my way, she would be strapped to the chair as I beat the living hell out of her with the Mag-Rod, yo."

Upon hearing what his comrade in baby-sitting had just said, Zak shuddered both internally and externally. He held the girl tighter to his body as he felt her trembling in the same fear that he was feeling. He believed in spankings since his mother did that to him more times than he dared to count at the moment, but beating a child because she said one bad little word was crazy. Well he forgot who he was talking about at the moment. Reno was the definition of crazy, strange, and over the top.

"Kiwasaki, ass is a bad word. I don't care which one of your parents said it, it is bad. After you take your bath you are going straight to bed, do you hear me young lady?" Zak said sternly.

"Zakky Puppy," she whined.

"No. You have to know the conse...consequ...consequences of your actions."

"Zakky Puppy mean."

Reno left the room as soon as he saw the look on Zak's face. It was in the cross of being pissed off and crying like hell both of which Reno felt like he had enough of. He walked into the bathroom to start the bathwater for the young girl just in case his companion would start crying instead of being pissed off. Then again if he got pissed off the girl wouldn't want to get into the water that he would make for it might be scalding hot and he really didn't want to hear Tseng's mouth about a discolored little girl.

Back with Kiwasaki and Zak, he was already sitting down in a chair with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He had been called mean before by childish adults around Midgar and teenagers when he caught them doing wrong, but never from a child like her. His emotions was trying to figure out whether or not to get mad or sad at the young girl. It was like the gas meter on a car that only had half a tank of gas but it was trying to go to one of the sides.

Kiwasaki looked at Zak before she went back into her high chair to finish the food that Reno had left on her table. In the five days that she had known him she had yet to see him so upset, not even the day when he cried. Of course she was scared of what was going to happen. She couldn't help but to start crying as she started to see tears swell in his eyes. She had never felt like she had done something wrong to anyone but she knew for some reason or the other that she had hurt him pretty badly.

"I no urt Zakky Puppy. I sorry," Kiwasaki cried harder.

"You called me mean!!" Zak continued to cry.

"I no to."

"Well ok."

Zak stopped crying as he walked over to the high chair. When he got there he picked her up and gave her a really big hug to show that he accept the apology of the little girl. He gave that famous smile of his and walked her into the bathroom where he saw Reno making the bathwater for her. He put her down in order to get her some sleeping clothes or hopefully a gown since she loved her dresses so much.

Reno looked at her as he put in some bubbles since she was a kid. He knew how much kids like bubbles since he loved them a lot back then and even now. She seemed to be the only that could make the pup cry like that and make him smile only a minute or two after wards. It was so freaking crazy how life in Edge was really turning out.

"Reno?" Kiwasaki yawned.

"You can go to sleep after you get your bath. Boss-man was really keen on us giving you a bath tonight," Reno said.

"No fair. Sweepy."

"Can't help ya' there. Gotta' do my job and get my paycheck, yo."

When the phone started ringing, the young girl quickly ran out of the bathroom and into the living room. She really hated the thought of taking a bath after Sephiroth almost let her drown and she certainly was not going to let Reno give her a bath after she saw how crazy he actually was. When she got to the phone, she pressed the button that allowed the speaker come on.

"Hello?" came Cloud's voice.

"Choco-choco!!"

"Hi Kiwasaki. Are your parents at home?"

"Zakky Puppy and Reno here. No mommy. No daddy."

"Why's Zak and Reno there? Wait...your parent's aren't home?"

"Me say no."

"Oh Gaia. I'm coming over. They cannot leave you with them. I don't even trust Zak with my cactus...hell he killed a cactus in three days back when he was in Soldier."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Just tell them that I'm coming."

"Who are you talking to, Cloud?" a female in the background said.

"Tseng's daughter. He left her home alone with Reno and Zak. Don't worry, Tifa, I'm going to watch after her. If I don't then she will seriously get hurt."

"I no 'urt. I fine. Choco-choco no come."

It seemed as if her plea fell on deaf ears as the phone clicked on the other side of the line. She was still wondering what a cactus was as she felt something pick her up again that night. She turned back giving a glare to whomever it was that had her, and it was Reno unfortunately. He had become immune to all glares but three and they were the scariest people in the entire world to him. She guessed that there was nothing else for her to do besides take that crappy bath in that overly huge tub that her mother just had to have.

When Reno finally placed her within the tub, he realized that thing was seriously huge. It was like even bigger than his whole bathroom back in his apartment. He sighed in the defeat of knowing that he couldn't leave the bathroom just to watch TV that night. It was Tuesday and there was a heck of stuff on TV. He needed his boss to come back as quick as possible or else he would go crazy. When he looked at her, he noticed the emerald green eyes shooting a glare at him. Well it would be a little scary if he was not immune to almost every glare on the planet besides about three people's glares.

Zak grabbed a night gown and pull-up out of the room he had assumed was Kiwasaki's and walked out a little afraid that there were pink butterflies and light blue fairies all over the room. He heard the doorbell ring so he ran over to open it. He was so happy to get out of that extra girly room that scared him like hell and he accepted the gay half of him like it was a chocolate cake. That reminded him that he really needed to go eat his food which had probably gotten cold once again. He skipped heavenly over to the door and opened it to see the person that he wanted to have in a relationship. Cloud Strife, and right behind him was the girl from Nibelheim, Tifa Lockheart. He didn't know which one to start drooling for since he liked both of them.

"Hey Chocobo. Hi Tifa!" Zak said.

"Hello, Zachary," Tifa smiled.

"I'm not a chocobo. My name is Cloud!!" he yelled.

"Calm down, Cloud. Zachary is only playing, right?"

"Yes ma'am. I do not want to get beat up again."

Cloud folded his arms in his annoyance before he remembered why he had decided to come to over to Tseng's mansion in the first place. He looked around his best friend to see if she was around, but then he heard a loud scream that seemed to remind him of that said little girl. He pushed Zak out the way and ran to the bathroom where he heard it from. He saw Reno trying to give her a bath and was seriously failing at it. He grabbed the little fairy washcloth out of Reno's hands to wash her up. When he heard the giggle, he knew that she was feeling a lot better than what was happening before he had got there.

"What are you doing here, Strife?" Reno looked at him.

"I'm here to protect her. You and Zak aren't exactly the best of people to watch a child," Cloud gave a short glare.

"Hey, I wasn't supposed to be here. Rude asked me to come since he was afraid of the little brat. As for Fair, I have no freakin' clue why Sephiroth asked him to come, yo."

"Sephiroth personally asked...oh Gaia."

"What do you know?"

"Nothing at all."

"Choco-choco, doney?"

"Yeah. I just need Reno to get a towel for you."

Reno gave him the fairy princess towel before lighting up a cigarette. This was all starting to become completely weird and it was all happening way too quickly. Cloud was there and he knew something about Sephiroth, Zak was there and enough was said about that, and young Kiwasaki was a complete retard even if she was his best female friend. He ran his hand through his hair trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

When Kiwasaki was put on the ground as Cloud looked for her night gown and pull-up, she took off the towel and ran into the living room. She was yelling and screaming and just having complete fun running around. She saw Zak and Tifa standing by the television watching her run around as if it were the TV. It was then that Zak sprung into action as she ran into the kitchen having some sudden burst of energy. She ran to the sliding glass doors in the back hoping that someone was chasing her. It took her a moment to get it open but she finally started running like hell once again this time she was running through the streets.

Zak panicked as he saw the door was standing wide open. She was out in the streets and for all he knew she was going to get kidnapped by some kind of paedophile that wanted to take her and do unimaginable things to her. He stopped thinking like that as he sprinted out the door. Right behind him was Tifa and Cloud both of them filled with serious concern. They were trying so hard to keep pessimistic thoughts out of their heads so they could find her.

Zak's Mako induced eyes seemed to be like the eyes of an owl or a cat's as he continued his search. He never knew how much he was glad to have Shinra use that Mako on him. Paycheck or not, he had to find her. She was his responsibility until Tseng and Sephiroth returned and he was not going to fail them now.

* * *

An hour or two later, the three were back into the house, sitting on the couch, and trying their hardest to not cry. When the door opened up, they were hoping for it to be Kiwasaki coming back. However, it wasn't her; it was the Great General Sephiroth walking with all of his long silver haired glory. He had a semi-smile on his face until he saw the three of them without Reno or his daughter. He had a hunch that Reno was in the room with her, maybe reading her a story or something. Then again, he may have left to go to a bar or something while she had fallen to sleep. That didn't explain why that girl and Cloud was there in the place he was staying at for a while.

He tilted his head in his slight confusion about them. He still didn't care too much for Cloud and personally he wanted him dead for screwing his life up from the moment he tried to destroy the world. Then when he returned to world using his "baby brother" Kadaj, he decided to kill him again. It was like everything was going from bad to worse when it came down to Cloud and being around him period. The only thing he could really do was want him dead and hopefully be the one to kill him in the end.

"Where's my daughter?" Sephiroth asked.

"Sleep in her room. Reno's in there with her," Tifa smiled uneasy.

"And why are you and Cloud here?"

"Zak felt lonely. So he asked Tifa and I to come here," Cloud smirked. "Is there something wrong?"

"Yes. I don't like you. I can tolerate Tifa."

Cloud gave the man a slight glare before returning to laying his head on Zak's shoulder. Sure he didn't care too much about Zak, especially since the guy had caused him so much grief in the last three months, but he was so soft like a pillow. He really didn't care as long as he could lay his head on his shoulder right now. He was just hoping that Sephiroth bought their story for the moment.

That was when all hope was lost for the three of them. The door opened and the person that came through it was Tseng and in his arms was the lovely young Kiwasaki wearing his jacket. The small blue haired girl had fallen sleep lying on her head on his chest. The Turk looked at the four people in the room while looking for the redheaded brat that he had somehow got instead of Rude. Everyone there though the look on his face was worse than Sephiroth when One Winged Angel started playing.

He walked into the young girl's room and placed her in the bed. He saw Reno sleep in the rocking chair and tried to figure out what the heck was wrong with him. He placed her in the small bed, kissing her forehead like a parent would actually do. And knowing Tseng he was not going to admit to doing something like that to the demon he was considering of calling a child. He walked back into the living room and looked at the people in it once again. His eyes went into slits as he stared at them. He was so lucky that he had spotted her from his car as he was returning to Rufus or else she would probably still be running around naked in the streets.

"Why the hell was she outside?" Tseng said through gritted teeth.

"I just got back, Tsengy. I don't know anything," Sephiroth said.

"I am not in the mood."

"All I know is that Reno was supposed to be giving her a bath. I took the time off to talk to Tifa and then she ran outside. She's quick and I have Mako induced eyes," Zak said. "I am so sorry. Please don't hurt me."

Tseng looked between the two intruders, Sephiroth, and the guy who was supposed to be watching her. He didn't know what to actually do, so he took out his semi-automatic pistol and pointed it at Zak. He wanted to shoot him so bad for being so retarded but he couldn't do it. So he shot at the ceiling making them all jump.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!" he yelled.

So Tifa, Cloud, and Zak started scrambling to get out of the door so they wouldn't feel the wrath of Tseng. If course they would if they saw him the next day and all, but they were trying not to feel it at that moment, because he was a complete psychopath that would try to kill them in a second.

Sephiroth ran a hand through Tseng's undone hair. He gave a small smirk as he felt him start to untense all of a sudden. He felt a little strange when he notice him move back a little bit as if he were getting used to the touch.

"I hate you so much, but could you give me a massage? You're hands are like magic."

"Sure Tsengy."

The two went to Tseng's bedroom, closed the door, and started the massage. What else happened between the two of them was only between the two of them. Maybe they would spill the beans one day and maybe they won't.

* * *

A\N: sorry about the late update people, but it took me forever to get this right. I have had no inspiration for writing whatsoever. So I have just been doing piece by little piece every day. If you want to review and I hope you liked reading this. Oh yeah you can send in what else should Tseng go through with Kiwasaki and Sephiroth. It might help a lot with the inspiration. I appreciate you all. Kiwasaki-chan3 :-D


	8. Chapter 8

**A Day with Daddy**

Wednesday, a day that had nothing wrong for the Turk Commander and the ex-general of Soldier even though they were still living under the same roof for some odd reason. And what was odder was the fact that Tseng woke up next to Sephiroth only wearing his sweatpants and seemed to be slightly cuddled into the man's chest. He was glad that he had that warmth there since his bed was usually cold, but he was still slightly pissed off that he was in his bed. He opened up one eye to see that the man was indeed in his bed but the one the he was cuddled against was a blue haired girl with huge emerald eyes opened. Wednesday was a day of disaster waiting to happen for the Turk Commander and the ex-general of Soldier as he screamed at the top of his manly lungs.

Sephiroth woke up as soon as he heard the scream, his hands grabbed Kiwasaki out of his newly discovered fatherly instinct. He blinked his eyes gently before he realized that the one screaming was Tseng and not the girl that he was still holding. He was hoping that he was in a dream in which he had just come out of a dream about killing Cloud. When he felt his daughter hit him in order to get out of his arms, he realized that it wasn't a dream and Tseng really screamed. He didn't know what he was going to do with the two of them but it was all going to be like the death of him in a matter of months or even a few days. Oh wait it was going to be even sooner than what he really wanted it to be because his life sucked like that sometimes.

Kiwasaki yawned slightly as she nuzzled back into her father's embrace for umpteenth time in the almost week that she had known him. She smiled as she looked into his eyes and saw her reflection once again. Today was going to be the best day ever no matter who said what about it. Well that is if she ever got out of the bed, or maybe if her mother wouldn't kill her for climbing into the bed to be besides them both like she had saw in movies, or if Sephiroth ever let her out of his death grip anytime soon. She managed to get out of his grip somehow and jumped out of the bed. She kissed his hand and left out of the room.

"What's wrong, Tsengy?" Sephiroth yawned.

"You and that brat...why are you in my bed?" Tseng asked as he started catching his breath.

"I fell asleep while I was giving you the massage. I was really tired from earlier. As for Kiwasaki, I am not entirely sure how or even why was she here."

"Shut up!"

"You asked me a question."

"Leave me alone damn it."

"Ok. I'm going back to sleep."

Sephiroth stretched out like a cat would before he laid flat on his stomach, rubbed his face slightly with the back of his left hand, and closed his eyes. Jenova cells did so many things to him that even when he fell asleep it was like he was a cat or something. Well at least he could get some nice sleep. Tseng's bed was like silk, velvet, cashmere, and clouds all put together into that one seriously huge king-sized canopy bed that was black and navy blue colored like everything else in the mansion. He drifted off to sleep with the evilest smirk on his face.

Tseng, meanwhile, got out of his bed pulling up his sweatpants since they were starting to fall slightly. He walked straight out of the room to figure out where that little demon was. She could not be running around his house without someone being with her. Then he remembered the whole breakfast incident from Saturday. He started running down the stairs hoping that the kitchen wasn't on fire again...ok that was an exaggeration of what happened but still. As he stood in the doorway to his kitchen (pretty unsure how he got there so quickly, but he didn't care) he saw the two people in there that he never wanted in there because of how prone they are to danger and killing people. Those two people were Kiwasaki and Reno. Wait...why was Reno still there?

"Reno!!" Tseng yelled.

"Hiya' bossman," Reno smiled.

"You have three seconds to tell me why you and that child are in my kitchen. One..."

"Well I woke up here, yo."

"Two..."

"And I wanted something to eat and that's when I saw Kiwasaki and I asked her where the kitchen was."

"Three. Get the hell out of my kitchen!!!"

Reno ran out of the kitchen making sure that he stayed on his boss's good side since it was payday. Kiwasaki, however, still stood by the stove grinning like a madman as she looked in it. There was something in there and Tseng was hoping that it wasn't another disaster or something that could potentially kill the entire planet worse than the whole Black Materia incident.

"Mommy foody!!" Kiwasaki squealed.

"Oh Gaia. You cannot be cooking again. I don't want to die," Tseng almost whined.

"I no cooky. Weno cooky!!"

"Reno cooked? All hell has broke lose."

Reno ran back into the kitchen when he heard the kitchen timer go off like that. He glanced slightly to his superior who was glaring him down for being within his kitchen before he jogged over to the oven and opened the door. What he brought out of the oven was ten nicely made blueberry muffins. It wasn't like the muffins where all the flavor was on the top, nope he made them with blueberries all over. He gave a smile to the little girl standing right next to him. He placed the tray on the table so he could pick up Kiwasaki and spin her around just so he could hear her giggle.

Tseng didn't know whether to run, taste the muffins, kill Reno (that was actually the first thing on his mind), be nice to the man, or just go to work and pretend that nothing happened whatsoever. He really was thinking about taking that last option, but he knew that he had to take Reno to work and he had to remind Sephiroth of the fact that he actually had to go to work. He grabbed a muffing before returning to his bedroom to get his uniform and make a note for his housemate. Maybe his Wednesday would be a lot better than the rest of his week. There was no maybe to it, he was going to have a better day than the other days that had happened before then.

* * *

Twelve o'clock came around quickly for the sleeping silver haired man that for a slight moment thought he was a cat as he started stretching. He looked on the other side of the bed to see his daughter lying there with a plate of what looked to be muffins and a note that was addressed to him. He checked the clock on the other side of him to see that he had woken up at about twelve. He had actually overslept which was very unusual for him to do, but he needed some sleep. He almost smiled thinking about how the events of the night before. The events he was thinking about was the conversation and massage that involved him and a certain uptight Turk who was probably gone for the day. It was one of those rare occasions that had him wanting to do more of, but only after he tortured him more since it was his new pastime.

He heard the ring of his text messaging song that was on his cell phone and sighed slightly. The ring was coherent with the actual ringtone for a certain "puppy" that he knew was texting him only because of how late it was. He searched through his jacket to finally find it. If he didn't answer back soon he knew for certain that he was going to have to deal with having two messages, a phone call, three e-mails, and the call on his PHS which he still was trying to figure out how and why it was still on and working like normal. It was another one of life's mysteries that he didn't wish to find out about unless he wanted to know why women PMSed, why guys found over exagerated sailor uniforms for girls sexy, why karate movies from three decades ago never sounded right, and his favorite question which came first the chicken or the egg. He always found himself asking those same questions in his mind every day. He finally remembered the text message that he never opened and needed to check before...never mind. He had just gotten the second message.

Message number one read this:

_Hey Sephy its Zakky!!! We shld totally go 2 da beach or da mall or sumthin 2day :3_

Message number two:

_Sephiroth r yu k dude no answer frm 1 tex_

Sephiroth debated on whether or not he should really answer his best friend, but since he was his best friend and one of the only people to not care about the whole "I Want To Kill The World" thing that had happened three years and six months ago he felt obliged to answer him. Now all he had to do was figure out what was the perfect way to answer him without sounding a little more like some seriously lazy guy that didn't care about anything besides what was happening with him.

When he finally answered it was something like this:

_Zachary Fair I am implied to say that I am alright and that I will go somewhere with you today only because I do believe that our apartment is still being fumigated. How the whole building got infested I will never know or how it is taking so long to get the things killed. That is besides the point however. I do think that we will be bringing Kiwasaki along so do not even think about doing anything that is remotely out of line for a child of her age and mental capacity._

He knew that it would take a while for Zak to get that through his head, but that was what made everything right. He looked over at the sleeping form which was his daughter and sighed a bit. He grabbed the note that was lying on top of her. He read it once, looked like he was about to die, and then read it once again. It was then known that Tseng was making him watch after her for the whole day while he was at work messing around with the other Turks that actually did nothing. Well at least he could have a father-daughter bonding day. What the hell was he saying? A bonding day? With her? He would rather watch Soap Operas with Rufus while listening to him complain about Ridge sleeping with Brooke when he's supposed to be married to Taylor...he had to stop watching those things. (It's the Bold and the Beautiful)

He grabbed a muffin only to see the child jerk her head up with a smile that reminded him way too much of his Soldier companion. She looked way too much like his companion like that. That's when he finally paid attention to the fact that the brat wasn't sleep at all and was just lying there like a rag doll that some girl had thrown her on the bed. He could only stare at her as she started to crawl over to sit in his lap like the spoiled brat that she was. He grabbed the muffin that was right besides her. When he saw the puppy-dog look in her eyes, that once again looked like a certain puppy, he broke it in half to give it to her. It really tasted good. He wondered who had enough time to sit there and make muffins like that. He could already tell that the girl couldn't have done it because the last time she decided to make breakfast everything was destroyed and Tseng was pissed off like hell near the heavens or a pure lifestream.

"Daddy!!" she squealed.

"Hi, precious," he yawned.

"Mommy no here. Daddy 'atch me."

"I know."

"You do 'air?"

"Sure."

He grabbed the girl and the plate before leaving the room to go to his supposed room in that strange mansion that he was thinking about moving into. It really was getting kind of fun around there in the rich place. He may be as rich or even richer than Tseng, but he preferred to live with all of the normal people since he was nowhere near normal and he was slightly learning from them. But this was the best way to annoy the hell out of his new housemate. As soon as he reached his room, he grabbed his hairbrush, hair grease, ponytail holders, and his rubberbands. He still didn't understand why he had those things since he left his hair down all the time. Maybe he would shake things up with his hair as well.

Twenty-five minutes later, the two emerged from the bathroom near his room. He grabbed Kiwasaki's green and white Nike to match with her lime green t-shirt and white capri pants. When he found them, he placed them on her tiny feet with the tiny green socks with white frills on them. He finished up the ends of her pigtails by combing through them with his favorite black small tooth comb. He had to say that she looked cute but she could look better. So he went back into her room and combed through her closet of clothes that he had picked out for her the day they went shopping for clothing for her. He found some black jeans, a black tank top, black Timberlands and a black trench coat with cute little silver pauldron to put on her. When he finished dressing her up, he redid her hair. Now she was perfect. (Yes he has a problem)

The two stepped out the door to go to the Cadillac so he could go to the mall to meet Zak and do whatever it was that he was going to do with him for that day. He placed the girl into her car seat before settling himself in the front seat to start up the car. He was trying to remember how to drive since he really had no reason to back in Shinra and even now. He had a private limo for things like this. He was going to get it right some kind of way. He had to since he was trying to get out of the house since it was scaring the crap out of him that everything had Tseng's scent and the man was gone and he really didn't want to smell him when he was gone like that.

When he finally got the car started (after several failed attempts at yelling to get the car to start), he got another texted from Zak. He put the gear into drive so they could get moving before he pulled out the phone that was still ringing and getting on his last nerves even if he liked the song. He pulled out of the driveway before he opened up the message. (People please do not try this at home or on the road) He tried his hardest to not think of anything but driving even if he was texting his friend back. Passing cars were honking, slamming into trees, going into the wrong lane, and even slamming into each other. Yet Sephiroth could see nothing besides the message he was attempting to text back.

By the time he got to the mall there had been at least forty accidents and thirteen major injuries. The most the man could do was complain that people should learn how to drive a car right. In the back seat a certain child was trembling in fear hoping that all the near death experiences were over and she never ever had to get back in the car with him again even if it was for her to go home. When he reached to get her out, she tried to back away from him so she wouldn't get hurt by just walking. When she saw Zack in the background running towards them, she decided to change her mind about not wanting to get out. At least he would attempt to protect her from any and everything including her father.

Zak picked up the crazed little girl, looked at Sephiroth, and then said, "What did you do to her?"

"I did nothing to her. She was just fine when we got into the car," Sephiroth said.

"Daddy kill!!" Kiwasaki said.

"I will not even ask how you killed people, Sephiroth, but she's terrified."

Kiwasaki snuggled closer to Zak's neck wishing that he never let her go. She looked over at the big building behind her smiling in the hope that she would get to go in there. She bounced up and down in her excitement. She was so happy that she could into a building that looked even bigger than Tseng's mansion. She was going to jump out of his arms if they had to wait any longer. Then again she could always get what she wanted by telling Zak all the little things her father said about him.

Zak placed the girl on his back as he started to follow behind the great general from the days of Soldier and the guy that almost killed everything including the Lifestream. He really wanted to run like in a race like he used to but with a child on his back that he knew he would get killed if anything bad ever happened to her he knew that he couldn't do it. Everything was going to be boring until he got to the mall to play all the games and ride the rides (there are malls like that. there's one where i live though the little amusement park thing sucks!!).

Finally they reached the mall, even though it only took them three minutes but with two people that have ADHD it seemed like more. Kiwasaki jumped off Zak's back with the weirdest laugh ever imagined in the heads of any adult. Of course Sephiroth grabbed her and placed her in a stroller and made sure that she wasn't going to get out around his very watchful Mako induced eyes. Then he realized that his companion, more like retarded best friend, was missing. Like that was what he needed at the moment. He had to find that man before he ended up getting all three of them kicked out of this mall like he did the ones in Kalm, Junon, and Mideel.

After walking around for about twenty-three minutes, they found him at the food court eating a whole pizza and was just about done eating half of it. The father-daughter pair both stared wide eyed before they both palm-slapped their foreheads. There was just too many things that could be said about Zak and then again they wanted to leave it alone since he would probably go crazy again. For the time being they were just going to leave him alone and go somewhere else. Well that was Sephiroth's plans before he saw someone in the Subway stall. If that was who he thought it was then he swore to his "Mother" and Gaia that he was going to kill the entire populace of Edge.

"Please tell me that you are not and never have been a teenager named Kadaj," Sephiroth said to the teen.

"That's my name. Care to tell me how you know it....Sephiroth!! How is my big brother doing?" Kadaj smiled.

"Why in all hell did Mother bring you back to life?"

"Mother said that I was a good boy and allowed me, Yazoo, and Loz come back in case you screw up everything."

"Tell her that I said I am living a normal life now."

"How normal? You seem to be pushing a stroller. You never even thought about intercourse so this child cannot be yours."

"Shut up, Kadaj!"

"Daddy no mad! Daddy happy!!" Kiwasaki squeaked.

Kadaj looked down at the blue haired toddler in the stroller. When he saw that eerie smile turn from Sephiroth over to him, he knew that this was no normal girl. It was possible that Jenova had created another child to make sure that none of them screwed up their job to take over the world so she could roam the cosmos to find some other planet to ruin as she was doing to that one. No she wouldn't make a small child in the hands of their oldest brother. She could not have been that crazy. Then again...?

"Who's the runt?"

"Her name is..."

"I Tilataki!! Daddy no wike you. Me no know you. Who you?"

"She doesn't speak English does she?"

"She does. For you to be closer to her age, you sure can't understand her."

"Like you can?"

"Yes."

"What did she say then, Oh Mighty Sephiroth."

"She said that her name is Kiwasaki. I do not like you but she doesn't know you. So who are you?"

_He did not just say everything that she just said. I couldn't even understand it. So how a stuck up, idiotic, socially awkward man like him understand her?_ Kadaj thought.

"Well my name is Kadaj, little one. I am Sephiroth's brother."

"Unkie Kaj-jy!!"

Sephiroth could only chuckle as he saw the look of despair that ran across his younger brother's face. It seemed that he was in the same situation as most people that came to know her. Their names' were seriously messed up by her lack of language skills. Then there was the fact that he was now an uncle even if he was techinally another part of Sephiroth. Maybe taking her out to the mall with Zak was something good since it seemed that Kadaj was already starting to dislike her. He could only tell by the fake ass smile that was plastered on his face as he looked at her.

Zak had walked next to Sephiroth by that time since he finally got finished with his pizza and was trying to see what was so cool about this silver haired guy working at Subway. When he noticed the familiar facial structures and the silver hair and the death glaring green cat-pupil eyes he knew exactly who it was. Well he could say that there was a serious surprise since he wasn't expecting the boy to be born for another three months and even then he was expecting him to be baby or maybe around Kiwasaki's age. At least Sephiroth would have some family around and Kiwasaki could hang around her uncle.

"So you came back early, huh kiddo?" Zak laughed.

"The laughing buffoon? I thought the Cetra said that you could not return here until Cloud learns something."

"Cloud learned that he didn't need to be emo to get people to notice and slash or care about him. He had Tifa, Cid, Barret, Yuffie, Red XIII, Caith Sith, Reeve, Vincent, Marlene, Denzel, and a whole bunch of other people that cared about him a lot more than he actually realized. So then I came back and shortly afterwards Aerith came back. Then somewhere outta' the blue came our good friend Sephiroth. I wonder why Genesis didn't come back. While I'm at it why isn't An...A...Angeal!!!!"

"He talked so much that he started crying? What kind of human is he?"

"He is Gongaga native Soldier 1st Class Second in Command, Zachary Fair."

Kiwasaki jumped out of her stroller since her father wasn't smart enough to strap the safety security belt things that were made for that. With her father and uncle talking about Zak she took the opportunity to leave. She had saw a play place that she wanted to go to since there was nothing else that seemed exciting to her, well besides a couple of clothing stores, a candy shop, and a place for games for her Nintendo DS. Well all she needed was for Zak to come with her and she would be perfectly fine.

She grabbed his hand and started pulling her towards the play area that seemed to keep her interest even more than trying to know her newly found uncle. She turned back to see that Zak was smiling at her while drying some of his tears. That put an even bigger smile upon her face. She stopped pulling him along with her and decided to walk besides him. He really was her best friend and her daddy was happy just being with his younger brother or at least he looked happy to her.

The two of them made it to the little area. Zak went over to the little slide thing as Kiwasaki ran over to the small dome thing with holes at the top. She crawled through the little hole at the bottom of it. She saw a little boy inside with vibrant red hair, sea green eyes, and he looked extremely skinny. When he lit a lighter she could see how he much he looked liked her other best friend, Reno. Then besides him was a huge yellow stuffed rabbit. She crawled over to him and looked directly at him. He really was a smaller version of Reno by looks. When he turned around, the two children lips' touched gently.

"Thanks, princess," he smirked.

"Who you?" Kiwasaki asked.

"My name's Axel. A.X.E.L. Got it memorized?"

"Hi. I Tilataki!!"

"Kiwasaki? Cute name. You kinda' cute too."

"Tankky."

"How old are you, princess?"

"Me this many," she held up two fingers.

"Beautiful. I'm five."

Axel wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He grabbed his yellow rabbit and brought it to the other side of her just so he could see her smile. He ran his fingers through her hair enjoying the silky feel of it. That moment seemed to be all that kept him happy and somewhat pure as he started flicking his lighter on and off.

Kiwasaki let out a small giggle when she felt someone else hands grab her. It had to be Zak since Axel was still holding her around her waist like she was going to disappear from him if he let her go. The two of them were pulled into the over-lighted mall once again. The world that was somehow created after about three minutes of being together was broken by the harsh reality that was a black haired puppy that was holding onto the arm of the young girl.

Zack smiled as he grabbed the girl in his arms but looked puzzled when he saw someone else hooked onto her. The boy looked to be a little older than this girl and strikingly familiar to his good friend Reno. Like he really needed another Reno when he barely could handle the original one. He was still getting used to the female younger version of Sephiroth that he was holding onto like she was someone important that he had to protect from one of those bad guys like he used to do in Soldier and back during the time that he was only a 2nd Class. Life seemed so much easier back in those days filled with nothing but complete happiness and Angeal kicking his ass for not paying attention due to the fact that he was so happy to be in Soldier and doing actual missions and not training. Life was so good.

"Zakky Puppy!!" Kiwasaki giggled.

"Hey Kiwasaki. Who's your friend?" Zak smiled.

"Uh...A-el."

"It's Axel, my little princess," Axel gave another smirk.

Even his voice was similar to Reno's. This kid was scaring him and what made it worse was the fact that he was friends with Kiwasaki and was holding onto a lighter. Only her friends could scare the crap out of anyone that they met even if they were small children that looked so harmless and adorable and...once again his mind was rambling even if it was something that everyone would agree upon. That did remind him that he had to get her back to her father before he complained like hell about the fact that she was away from him for more than three minutes even if he was watching her since he was about as much of an idiot as Reno. Yeah he knew that people talked about him like that, he just never let it get to him but ends up showing them up with the intelligent things that he says or do.

"I need to get you back to Sephy before he tries to murder me," Zak said.

"My princess is not going anywhere. She stay with me," Axel yelled.

"Don't you have parents?"

"Mom's in the dress store. I could careless 'bout that crap."

"Awwwww. A-el bad 'ord!!!" Kiwasaki placed her hands over her mouth.

"Did not. I said crap not bad word."

"Did Reno use Mini on himself again?" Sephiroth grabbed his daughter from Zak.

Sephiroth held the child close to his body as he stared at the small red head that was eyeing his daughter like she was a piece of meat or in his odd case death and destruction. He ran his fingers through the blue silky hair that was under his chin. There was something seriously off this day and it was not the muffins that he ate earlier.

"Let go of my princess!!!" Axel yelled.

"Princess? I may be the King of all things evil and she may be my daughter, but she is not a Gaia damned princess," Sephiroth said calmly.

"I said let her go."

"And if I don't?"

"Seph, I don't think this is a bright idea," Zak peeped.

"I could careless if this is a good or bad idea."

Sephiroth shoved Kiwasaki back into Zak's arms before kneeling to look into the boy's awkward sea green eyes. This child was making him upset with the way he was talking to him. He would beat the brat up if he kept talking to him like he was just a child like him. Then it hit him what his companion had just said. He just said that what he was getting ready to do was not a bright idea. That man was the living proof of bad ideas when he was not fighting or doing some kind of exercise. Who was he to tell him what he could or could not do after all?

Axe stood up on his tippy-toes and still had to looked up into the green eyes of the man that was kneeling in order to get a better look at him. He was so ready to kick him in the knee, punch the other guy in the stomach, take his princess, and run away to some place that no one would ever think about finding them at. He swung his left fist only to get that caught by the silver haired man so he tried his right only to find a throbbing pain in his left arm. He stared into those eyes and felt a slight fear because of all the malice and evilness within it.

"Daddy no!!" Kiwasaki screamed.

By that time Axel had already swung and hit him in the face. Sephiroth instinctively grabbed his face before sending a death bringing glare at the redheaded child right in front of him. He swung back at the boy and it landed right on his chest. He smiled at his accomplishment well that was until he felt a purse crack him in the back of his head. He turned back to see a woman with red hair glaring at him as if he had done something wrong to her or her entire family.

"What is your problem, woman?" Sephiroth asked.

"You punching my son is my problem, got it memorized," the woman answered.

"This little ingrate..."

"Daddy no 'urt A-el. Daddy play A-el!!" Kiwasaki said.

"Play? You call that play? What kind of influence are you on this girl?"

"More influence than you are to your own son!"

"You wanna' bet that, sir?"

"Yes I would."

"Wanna' go get something to eat or go to the amusement park on the other side of the mall?" Zak asked the two children.

"Sure Zakky Puppy!!! You, A-el?"

"Yeah I'll come," Axel grabbed Zak's hand as they began walking.

* * *

Sephiroth arrived to find his daughter eating half a sub sandwich while holding onto a new doll with Zak on one side of her eating what looked like a third of a sub and Axel holding onto his yellow rabbit. Besides him was Axel's mother who was amazed that her son could sit still and eat potato chips without causing some kind of evil mess. The two could not believe that their children were actually behaving and what made everything even more unbelievable was the fact that they were sitting besides Zak being angels. This was very strange and yet a sight to behold. The one time that they needed a video camera and they did not have one.

Kadaj walked over to the children and Zak with more food in his arms. He placed the sandwiches in front of Zak and Axel and placed a cup of juice in front of Kiwasaki. He placed the little girl on his lap as he sat down. He looked back to see his older brother standing there with his arms crossed and a smug look on his face as if nothing had happened. He pointed backwards and smiled as he saw Kiwasaki trying to get down so she could get to her father. Tormenting his brother seemed like it was some kind of fun to him.

"Daddy!!" Kiwasaki yelled as she ran to him.

"Um...hi Kiwasaki," Sephiroth patted her head.

"Doll. Play doll me."

"You only have one doll."

"This many doll. Unkie Kaj-jy and Zakky Puppy play," she put up four fingers.

"What about Axel?"

"A-el no play. A-el boy."

"Then what am I and Zak and...yeah what about Zak and me?"

"No boy. Boy girl."

Sephiroth saw that there was no way for him to get out of playing dolls with his daughter as she pulled him over to the table that they were all at. Axel's mother followed close behind holding a smirk after she heard what the little girl had to say about them. He saw the other three dolls on the table right in front of Zak and Kadaj and sighed even harder than what he thought was possible. He looked back at the girl that was now climbing into his little brother's lap before sitting down besides Zak and Axel. There was no way for him to not play dolls with them.

"Daddy play 'Ig-et," Kiwasaki handed him a brunette doll.

"Say what?" Sephiroth grabbed the doll.

"She said you play with Bridget. I got Cassie," Zak smiled as he held his red haired doll.

"So who do you got, Kadaj?"

"I have no clue," Kadaj muttered.

"Unkie Kaj-jy play Me-ny."

"Like I said, I don't know."

"You have Melody," the two Ex-Soldiers said.

"Shut up!!!!"

"So what about you, Kiwasaki?"

"I Jen-ner!!"

"Jennifer, that's a pretty name," Axel's mother smiled.

"You play too Ms. A-el."

"No. I have to take Axel home now."

"Bite me, woman," Axel glared at his mother.

There was silence between them all. A tumbleweed ran across the floor like they do in the old west and other things that go to that point. The crickets weren't even chirping as Zak, Sephiroth, Kadaj, and Kiwasaki looked between Axel and his mother. There was nothing that was going to make them start talking about anything or even think about opening their mouths as the death glare between the two kept going. Soon that one song from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly began to play. Yes it was getting real serious.

"Kadaj, you are supposed to be working!!" came a voice that seemed slightly deeper than Kadaj's.

"Shh, Yazoo. Big battle about to happen," Kadaj sent a glare back to the man.

"Oh. Is oldest brother killing someone?"

"Not at all. Now shut up."

"Big brother Cloud getting beat up by that Tifa woman?"

"No!"

"Mother came back to this world so she can destroy everything?"

"Hell freaking no, Yazoo!!!!" Sephiroth yelled.

All looks exchange from the fight that everyone believed was going to happen between Axel and his mother and looked over at the three silver haired brothers with cat pupil green eyes. The normally calm and stoic general was yelling and being pissed off. No one had ever seen him anywhere near as weird as he was. Maybe it was the stress that was coming from him being a father, playing dolls, and getting yelled at by a woman that was just as annoying as her son. Kadaj was a little less pissed than his oldest brother but still pissed off. He was close to his older brother and didn't like for anyone to yell at him even if he didn't show any hurt emotions. Yazoo had placed his delicate hands over his mouth after he heard his eldest brother yell and curse at him. He stood close to his baby brother in an attempt to analyze the reason his brother went crazy. Right who am I kidding? Sephiroth had Masamune out in a second and was standing in his stance. Kadaj was standing in front of Yazoo holding his Souba in the same stance that Sephiroth was in. Then there was Yazoo and both of his Velvet Nightmares standing behind Kadaj with a look on his face that was a mixture between hatred and "what the hell."

Kiwasaki ran in between her uncles and her daddy to try to stop the fighting. Axel pushed her out of the way before the three could start their very strange fight. It started off with insults on who was the better son of Jenova and who caused Cloud more problems than what was believed possible. After it was clear that Sephoroth had won that one, Kadaj started an attack. Of course with Sephiroth knowing how his brother attacks since he was the slightly weaker of the four just side stepped and blocked four incoming bullets. He looked back at his baby brother to see that he had yet to get his footing back before he rushed after Yazoo which was stopped by Kadaj who had somehow gotten his footing back and ran over to protect his older brother.

And so the true fight between the Jenova sons started. Bullets flying everywhere from Yazoo's shaking aim and they were being deflected by the two swords even if the Souba wasn't supposed to be getting hit. The two swordsmen were trying to figure out some kind of way to break free from each other's blade and start another attack. It was pretty sad since if Kadaj moved his to the right a little he could have unarmed Sephiroth and had the advantage and possibly kill him. Where the hell was his mind at really?

_I am so gonna' get fired for fighting instead of working, but it's worth it. I can beat the hell out of Sephiroth and Mother can't say anything about it really._ That was what was in Kadaj's mind.

The climatic, and yet dumb, battle ended when Yazoo ran out of bullets for both of his Velvet Nightmares, part of the Souba broke, and the Masamune got a chip. The three looked at their weapons in shock before yelling at each other trying to put the blame on each other like a bunch of small children. It was pretty easy to guess that Jenova was pissed off that her sons were being stupid while they had a job to do. At least she always had Loz to do work for her and not have to rely on them.

In the meantime, Kiwasaki had watched her new friend, even though he says that he's actually her boyfriend, leave with his mother because if he didn't leave then he would miss some of his favorite cartoons. She waved bye to him but tried to catch up with him when she saw that his bunny was still sitting in the seat. When Zak caught her, she looked back at him with "puppy-dog" eyes. It would have worked if he wasn't the king of doing that. When he saw the yellow bunny in the chair he gave it to Kiwasaki only to find that a note had fell out. There were some letters on it, but none of it made any sense, so he gave it to her to see if she could make it out.

"A-el says me 'ave 'Ox-s," Kiwasaki said with tears in her eyes.

"I think it's name is Roxas. You can hold on to him until you meet Axel again," Zak smiled at her.

"Ok."

"Now let's get your dad before he kills your uncles."

"Unkies? Me two unkies?"

"Yeah. The short one is Kadaj and the other is Yazoo."

"Oh. Unkie Achoo 'wooks 'wike girl."

"Yes he does."

Zak and the small girl walked over to the three screaming silver haired men in an attempt to get Sephiroth to come before Tseng decided to come home and locked them out for not being there. He knew that it would only make him even more upset and out of character than he was at this very moment. Maybe he has been more out of character in the last week or so than he has since he had been reborn into the world. When it was apparent that none of them were paying any attention to them, Zak whispered a little plan in the girl's ear after bending down and hitting three men for smacking his butt.

She smiled and nodded her head when she finally realized what he had just said. She walked over to the music store and brought out two microphones and three speakers. She hooked it up to MP3 player that Zak was holding in his hands and smiled when the music started playing out of one speaker. The other two were used for the microphone. She looked at Zak, who was holding a huge grin as well, he tapped on his finger on his thigh to show when they were supposed to start singing (yes singing).

_I give you my heart  
Hold on, let me sign it  
Your senorita aka your best friend  
Hereby, let it be known  
Love like never before  
I'm always at your service  
You just have to holler at me_

_NYC, NYC, what what  
Tokyo, Tokyo, what what  
Send it off from the streets to the highest  
To the highest, high_

_MP3, MP3, players  
Work it out, work it out, hustlers  
Om Mani Padme Hum  
Mmm, mmm, mmm _

_You know why  
I'm gonna be yours tonight  
We're gonna oooh-aaah  
FYI  
We're gonna be up all night  
I'll see you later  
Call me, you know my number_

It was after that that Sephiroth turned around to see the two of them singing and most horrible to his mind dancing. Sure he'd come to expect stupid little things from his daughter because she was a girl and girls like that kind of stuff so he thought, but Zak was not supposed to things like that no matter how slow he was in his mind. That meant it was seriously time to leave and never ever in their entire lives speak about that day ever no matter how drunk they may get, Tseng tries to threaten them about it, or if that child wishes to remember it.

The three piled into the Cadillac leaving the two who originally came in it to wonder how the third got there. Some things were better left unsaid which was more than true to the events that had just happened. Even the thought of what had happened made Sephiroth cringe as he sat in the passenger seat. Just one more day that seemed to go by extra slowly to those who are around this child.


	9. Chapter 9

**What The Heck??**

The following day, A.K.A Thursday, was already starting off wrong. Tseng was requested by Rufus to take a day off to be with his so-called family so they could bond and all the other crap that family members do when they're together. Well, the moment he hung up the phone was the moment his door was slammed open to reveal a pissed off little blue-haired girl that looked even taller than any two year old he had ever saw in his life since she looked to be maybe three inches smaller than him. In her right hand it looked like the Masamune was in it and pleading for the blood of someone, most likely him as she was staring at him crazily. There was something in his body that said run away, take refuge back in Wutai with his family, and never ever think about his time in Edge and Midgar, or anything about Shinra, or anything else for that matter. Yet his brain was against the way his body was talking to it. His brain was saying find a way out of it without having to kill his pride like kicking her ass like he seriously wanted to do or talking to her to figure that out.

When he saw her take three steps forward while tightening her grip on Masamune and holding it behind her neck, he figured that the only way out was to use his Turk expertise to stop her. He opened up his nightstand drawer and pulled out his semi-automatic and one of the spare EMRs that he carried around in case of emergency. If you can't runaway like a spineless coward or talk your way out of a situation that makes no sense no matter what type of scenario you put it in, then kick some serious ass like it was your last battle...or be like Zak and just go berserk. This was one of those times where he was going to kick her ass and go berserk just like that. Yupp that was his plan.

He heard the twang of the Masamune hitting the EMR and his attention went towards the beautiful blood-crazed daughter of his that was wielding said legendary sword. She pulled back before started another strike which this time was stopped by the semi-automatic before being sliced in half making the Turk Commander think twice when going up against the Masamune. He grabbed another EMR as he blocked another attack from her. He cracked her in the stomach before making a break for it only to discover that his precious house was destroyed and covered in what seemed to be...blood or fruit punch. He was praying to the heavens that it was blood everywhere and not fruit punch because blood was so much easier to clean to him. With two EMRs in his hands and a crazy little girl following him, he really didn't know what he was supposed to do besides run and hope that he could get to his office in time for work. But that little scenario was cut out of his head the moment he saw Reno and Elena standing in front of his front door.

"You two are escorting me out of here, right?" he asked with a pleading look in his eyes.

"I dunno'. Me and 'Lena just thought that it would be a good time to stop by, yo," Reno said.

"Ok. Well it's a bad time and I need to get out of here like now!!"

"Hold your Chocobos, Tseng. We want to play with little Kiwasaki," Elena smiled.

"Wait...the two of you are here with me and neither of you are trying to kill each other and you want to play with that idiotic crazy thing that I call my daughter?"

"Yupp," they said simultaneously.

"I am going to die a very sad and painful death aren't I?"

"Yupp."

"It's going to be humiliating as well especially since I am the commander of the Turks?"

"Uh huh."

"Hurry up and kill me before she gets here."

"MOMMMY!!" there was that shrill that only Kiwasaki had.

"Hurry up, damnit!!"

"But Tsengy it does not have to end like this," that smooth unemotional voice could only belong to...

"Sephiroth? I thought that Kiwasaki killed you," Elena said.

"Thinking is not what Turks do best."

"Shut up, yo," Reno yelled.

Sephiroth whipped out a green Materia, that Tseng could only hope would protect the two of them from the wrath of Reno, Elena, and Kiwasaki. He moved Tseng behind him to make sure that the effects of Materia only worked on the two idiots in front of him and then he would work on their daughter and getting back his Masamune. He may have treated her better than he treated anyone besides himself, but she had no right to take his Masamune and think that she could slay him at all.

"Sleepel," Sephiroth smirked.

"Sephiroth why are you..." Tseng started before he heard the thuds of the sleeping bodies that belonged to his Turks.

"Shut up, my precious wife. She might hear you."

"I could really care less. She wants me dead and I will take my death as the man that I actually am."

"I can't let my wife die from our daughter. That's like Zak letting Cloud die...even though he should...because he ate the last of his hamburgers," Sephiroth rubbed his face against the back of Tseng's neck.

"What the hell?!"

"Didn't I say to lower your voice before she hears you."

The horrible sound of footsteps on a wooden floor was all that he heard as Sephiroth held him tighter from behind. He looked down to see that his living room didn't have the white\ivory carpet anymore and it was now filled with wood like the house of his mother. Then he started to think that besides his daughter was trying to kill him, he was now in his mother's house where she was going to do him in. If that was the case then he would at least die knowing that he was near someone that he knew care for him and in the arms of someone--even if that someone was Sephiroth. No he was not ready to die especially in the predicament that he was currently in.

Those same footsteps came closer and it even started to sound like two or three sets of footsteps were coming to them all of a sudden. Sephiroth's hold on his waist became even tighter as he narrowed his eyes. Tsengwas trying to break free from the grasp before he looked forward witha look on his face that could be describe as something between hatred, fear, and a whole what the heck. In the doorway stood three women, one that was kind of old withshort black hair that was turning white and brown eyes, the other one was old as well withlong graying brown hair and blue eyes, and the final one was young withseriously long blue hair and emerald eyes. They both realized that the young woman was Kiwasaki, but the Masamune was not in her hands.

The old woman with long hair walked over to the two grown men that were still by the front door. She lifted Sephiroth's head off Tseng's shoulder giving him a glare that was similiar to that of Vincent. She ran her fingers through Sephiroth's hair and smiled when she saw him flinch a little do to the sudden contact. The other old woman walked over to them as well but her attention was to the smaller man. She placed her pinky in her mouththen cleaned off what little dirt was on his right cheek. He looked at her with such disgust but that changed when he realized exactly who that was.

"Mother?" Tseng looked in disbelief.

"Dr. Crescent?" Sephiroth tilted his head.

"Who else would it be, son?" both Tseng's mom and Lucrecia Crescent placed their hands on their hips.

"You are not my mother, just someone who worked with Hojo. My mother is Jenova and she is a Cetra that lives in the lifestream because of the Ancients."

"Sephiroth, shut up."

"But Dr. Cresent."

Lucrecia hit her son on the side of his head before turning around and walking over to where Kiwasaki was still standing. Tsengbegan to stifle his laughter like most people would before he too got hit in the same manner by his mother. The three women were standing withtheir arms folded across their chests staring at the two men witheyes that said disappointment. Then again it seemed like making them happy was as hard as making a cat take a bathor at least giving a bath to one.

"You boys are so disappointing!" Kiwasaki huffed.

"We're disappointing? You couldn't even think of wielding Masamune until a few minutes ago," Sephiroth said.

"I have no clue what you are talking about, but you guys did not even introduce me to my own grandparents. And you never told me that you two were getting married today; you aren't even ready yet."

"Married?" the two men looked at each other.

"Yes, Tseng. You are to get married to this man. Now go to the back and get ready. Your father is waiting for you."

"Yes, Mama...Papa knows about this?" Tseng yelled.

"Is there something wrong with Tseng today, Sephiroth? He does not seem like his usual self if he forgot about your wedding," Lucrecia tilted her head.

"Um I'm not really sure myself. I didn't even know that we were supposed to get married," Sephiroth mumbled.

"Get to the otherside of the house. Your father is waiting for you as well."

"I wanna' go with Mommy! Can I go with him!"

"No. Go outside and sit with the others, Kiwasaki."

"Yes, Gramma."

Kiwasaki started walking to go outside, while Tseng and Sephiroth were sent in two separate directions. Tseng followed his mother as he mouthed to Sephiroth that he really needed some kind of help. Everything was getting way too weird for him and at least Sephiroth seemed to make some kind of sense in this world. Everything was really going to become crazy.

He didn't know what happened, but somehow he found himself in a dressing room with his father mumbling about something that he really didn't wasn't trying to hear. It was bad enough that he was going to get killed by his daughter, but now he was getting married to Sephiroth with both of his parents present. If this was some kind of new experimental Materia that Rufus had developed and Reno got a hold to it and used it on him, he was going to destroy the new Shinra building even if it was a shack that was right outside the city.

"Are you listening to me, Tseng?" his father asked.

"Nope," he muttered while examining the suit he was supposed to wear.

"**Of all the things you decide to not listen to me about, it has to be about how ashamed I am of you. You get a job with Shinra even though they want to kill us all, you move away never coming to see Mama and me, you have a child out of wedlock making her a bad omen, and now you are getting married to a man. But wait...it's not just any man now is it. It's General Sephiroth of SOLDIER who killed at least three hundred of our best soldiers including your brother and cousins.**"

"**Papa...**"

"Save it. Now get ready before I decide to kill you."

"Yes, Papa."

Tseng shook his head before he grabbed his suit only to discover that it was turned into a pearl colored wedding dress. His father walked behind him holding the dress up to his son's body only to shake his head to show that he disapproved it, especially since that was his only son alive.

"**What the hell is this? Why am I wearing a dress?**" Tseng screamed.

"Because you are a woman. No matter how hard you try to prove that you are not you are. Should have named you Ting instead of Tseng. Jaw-long was a good boy, grew up to fight in the Wutain army unlike you. You grow up to be with the Turks who want to kill us all. Your cousins Huang Fu, Déshì, and Angúo were good men too. Why you grow up as pathetic woman?"

"I am not a woman. I'm Guo, Tseng, youngest son of the Guo Family more specifically Guo, Tseng. I am also the only one that has some kind of sense to leave this place because we seriously suck ass since we actually lost the war to a man who thinks that Oompa Loompa is his name in another language."

"**What was that boy?**"

"**I said in a basic terminology 'Fuck Wutai.'**"

Tseng was anticipating the hit he knew that his father was going to give him because the man was crazy beyond imagination which is why he got into the Turks. But while he was as patient as a saint even though he got pissed off quickly lately, his father had a temper on him that could even make Safer Sephiroth scared as hell. If only he was twenty years younger when the war between Shinra and Wutai had happened. There was no way in all hell that Wutai would have lost to them.

He wasn't hit as hard as he expected his father to do to him, but he was hit hard on his back. It seemed that he was supposed to be getting praised for something, but he was never praised about anything in his life especially since he got grown and lived in Midgar and Edge. He didn't know whether to run away saying he had cold feet about this supposed wedding or staying there so he could get the crap beaten out of him by his father. He really wanted to run away and never come back due to the fact that he might get beat down right before or after the wedding, yet he was afraid that maybe for once he was going to praise him for the very first time since he was he was born. That reminded him that maybe he was not even praised a bit as he was born.

"Papa?" Tseng turned around slowly.

"I proud of you. You not big mistake son I thought you are," he smiled.

"So can I have a pearl suit instead of this crazy ass dress?"

"No. You no man. You woman. Woman wears wedding dress or traditional wedding robes and like it."

The wedding dress became a little more lacy and feminine as he held it closer to his body in true disgust because he really wanted to wear the suit that he saw before this dress came out of nowhere. He frowned a bit as he looked back at his father until he saw the look of enrage that was coming from him. He started to take off his Turk Uniform that he wasn't even sure how he got on before he realized that he was still being watched and that was more uncomfortable than anything else in his life.

On the outside, Sephiroth was standing besides Zak looking about as confused as ever as he wore the black tux that he was forced to wear. This wedding thing was not in his schedule and it was messing with it, but as Kiwasaki was getting a little too excited about this he knew that if he let her down it was possible that she would impale him once again with the Masamune. He still wasn't sure where his beloved sword was, but he would figure it out soon and kill all those that were getting in his way.

"Zak, why am I here?" Sephiroth asked.

"You're getting married to Tseng. I always pictured you as a straight guy and here you are marrying my best friend," Zak smiled.

"I don't even like Tseng and I am not a homosexual."

"Daddy, you don't have to hide it. It's ok if you like Mommy as more than just the person you were raising me with or best friend," Kiwasaki grabbed his hand.

"You may have grown up, but you have the brain of the two-years-old that I remember."

"I love you, Daddy!"

"I don't hate you much either."

Before Kiwasaki could open her mouth and protest about what her father had just said, the wedding march began to play. Reno, Elena, Rufus, Rude, Verdot, and Cissnei started walking down the Aile wearing the traditional wedding dress of the Wutains (which for us resembles the wedding Kimonos of the Japanese mixed with Hanfu styled robes). Elena, Cissnei, and Rufus were wearing the female variation styled with various shades of blue, red, and light pink and were carrying roses in the style of a bouquet. Reno, Verdot and Rude were in the men's style made with mainly reds and blues but there was a hint of aqua. All eyes were on them as they walked down the Aile only to stand on opposite ends of each other, the "women" on the side where Tseng is supposed to be and the men with Sephiroth and Zak.

When they were through the march still played as a young girl and young boy walked down the Aile, the girl throwing flower petals from a basket as the boy held a pillow with two rings on them. The young girl held a very strong resemblance to Aerith the only real difference between the two was that the girl had blond hair and slightly narrower green eyes. The boy was a cross between Cloud and Tifa as he had Tifa's long dark brown hair and Cloud's blue eyes. The young girl was wearing a dress similar to a traditional wedding dress while the boy was wearing a tuxedo much like the one that Sephiroth was wearing. Once they were finished and the boy gave the rings to Zak, they sat down next to Cloud.

And then everything changed as the violinists, cellists, organists, flutists, and other people that played the instruments left and people with Gayageums, Dangus, Shinobues, and T'ru'ngs walked out. Everyone turned around as this new music started to play as it was the traditional wedding song for those of Wutai and the song was similar to Deep River by Utada Hikaru well at least by the instrumental anyway. Kiwasaki jumped over to walk to the back of the long red carpet before turning back to the people and her father with a microphone in her hands and the smile that said this will be the scariest thing since they found out that Jenova wasn't even an alien just a scary old lady that liked to possess people and call them her son.

"Presenting the bride and my mommy, Tseng Guo!" Kiwasaki squealed.

"Does she have to squeal?" Sephiroth covered her ears.

"Yes. She likes to be heard," Zak smiled.

As she moved away from the back, Mrs. Guo started walking forward in her Wutain robe that had written on it in Wutain "Mother of the Bride" while carrying a bouquet that had flowers of the same color as her robe. She took a seat in the front row next to Lucrecia and began to wipe the tears from her face because she was in the back laughing her ass off at the fact that this wedding was actually going to take place.

The music changed once again to become similar to Yell by Ikimono Gakari and the carpet was changed from a deep red to a silky sky blue with gold trimmings. Tseng started down the Aile wearing the Wutain wedding dress mixed with a traditional wedding dress while holding onto his father's arm like he would have done when he was a child if he had any thoughts that his father even cared about him. His hair was up in a bun with a jade comb right in the front and it was easy to tell that he was pissed that his hair had been touched. However if one looked even closer they would guess that the make-up on his face was worse than his hair as he had jade green eyeliner on and a small amount of jade blush on his cheeks. Then again this whole wedding thing could have been pissing him off more than what he was wearing, the way someone messed with his hair, and the fact that he was wearing make-up like he was a woman or something.

Sephiroth walked halfway up the carpet when he saw that Tseng was coming down with his father looking about as pissed off as he normally does when Reno doesn't turn in a report about whatever it was that Turks do. His suit turned into the groom's robe when he reached out his hand for his bride with a small smile on his lips. Tseng didn't grab his hand as quick as he may have expected because he gave his father a hug and waited for him to wipe the tears from his face and then he grabbed his groom's hand. He didn't know that he would feel like that on the worse day of his life, but maybe it was a good day because he finally got his father to be nice to him and then there was the niceness that he was receiving from Sephiroth. All of this because of a wedding day?

They made it to the alter holding onto each other more for a show instead of really caring like everyone thought especially a certain blue haired girl standing at the alter waiting for both of her parents. The Priest appeared from behind the alter and to everyone's surprised it was the harboring of darkness itself, Vincent Valentine, and he appeared to be ready to do this ceremony the way that the Wutains did it. Maybe there really was more to this man than what everyone thought because he was so dark and emo even worse than Cloud.

"This is the ceremony of something called Holy Matrimony something that only three people in the audience have ever experienced and it seemed to be that these two want to experience it for a reason that is not explained," Vincent said.

"Damnit, Valentine, just do the damn ceremony!" Tseng yelled.

"I am. Chaos is telling me what to say and I'm just working with that."

"And they say Mother made me do stupid things," Sephiroth muttered.

"Shut up, Crescent!"

"My name is Sephiroth."

"And you are Ms. Lucrecia Crescent's son, idiot."

"..."

"As I was saying, these two shall express their love by getting married even though we all know that the two would rather kill each other and eat the insides and possibly give some to Reno and Zak to make sure that they are dead. Anyway since I am positive that there is no one here to say..."

About two or three hours later, the ceremony was coming to a close. The main reason it took that long was because of the arguments going on between Tseng, Sephiroth, and Vincent over some of the crazy things that he was saying. Then there was Zak losing the rings for some reason that they don't even know...they don't even know why he had the rings in the first place besides the fact that he was the best man to Sephiroth who probably didn't have another living friend to save his life. But as of right now they are at the part where Vincent is supposed to say kiss the bride and it seems that he was not going to give up his little spot in the spotlight just yet or rather it was Chaos not trying to give it up.

"What the hell man, we have been here for like forever, yo. Just let them kiss so some of us can go home to bondage....I mean a nice quiet movie and dinner," Reno said.

"No. There is a little more left to this ceremony so says Chaos," Vincent argued.

"There can't be more. I went to my brother's wedding and it was only about an hour or three," Tseng yawned.

"Who has the million-years-old demon living within them?"

"Sephiroth!!" Cloud yelled.

"That's it, Cloud. I have dealt with your petty comments all damn day, but I am going to..." Sephiroth started.

"You may now kiss your Wutain bride that has more problems than Hojo."

"I take that highly offensive, Turk. I have no problems, just like experiments!" Hojo said from somewhere in the back.

Yes they ignored that little side comment as Sephiroth leaned forward to kiss Tseng and completely end this ludicrous ceremony that the two still didn't figure out completely. They were about one inch from kissing each other when....

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL!!!!" Tseng woke up screaming.

"Mommy, sweep. Bad dreams no no. Me here,"Kiwasaki smiled while holding onto her giant yellow rabbit plush that he really didn't remember buying.

"Yeah, sleep."

Tseng closed his eyes to try to get some sleep when his alarm went off saying that it was four in the morning meaning that he had to get ready to go to work and deal with Reno and his idiotic self. Maybe working would take his mind off of everything that had happened in that dream especially the whole wedding and him almost kissing Sephiroth. Please if that worked then he really would owe his coworkers something other than a beating and shooting them with tranquilizers and putting sleeping pills in their coffee and all the other things that happened that he can't and will not explain to them.


End file.
